You would think that since I invented Tara Tuesdays, I would be smart enough to plan posts in advance. I have had a week to prepare this post, you would assume that I thought of really awesome things to say, and would be able to present you with a hilarious, charming post. You would be wrong.
It’s been a pretty eventful week. Like I promised last week though, I’m going to try to keep these Tuesday posts short, so I’m just going to give you some bullet points of what happened to me this week. With absolutely no witty preamble, here they are:
Last week, I officially became the last woman alive to discover Pinterest. I’m still figuring it out, but so far it seems to be a lot of adorable outfits that I cannot afford, amazing food pictures, and do it yourself projects that BLOW MY MIND.
And mason jars that are not used as mason jars. Get ready mom, I’m about to turn all of our glass jars into adorable holiday lanters, and fill them with glitter. You will never be able to store homemade salsa or fruit preserves again.
Oh my gosh, Pinterest is a great idea for women like me, who aren’t really good at being crafty, but are GREAT at copying other people at being crafty. Prepare yourself for an onslaught of holiday glitter project pictures in the future.
This week I learned that I need to learn how to blow dry my hair. Yes, you read that correctly. I need to LEARN how to do something that most girls can do by the time they are 12. The thing is, I’ve just always had really thick hair, and every time I’ve ever picked up my mom’s hair dryer and started the process, I’ve gotten about 2 and a half minutes in and was just like, “There is so much hair. This will take like 2 hours. Not. Worth. It.”
Anyways though, this week I started reading Fifty Shades of Grey, the romance novel. (I’m reading it as a project for this blog, and you should hear more about THAT on Friday). In it, Anastasia is going after the very handsome Christian Grey. In one scene they are eating breakfast and this happens,
Christian: “Your hair’s very damp”, he scolds
Anastasia: “I couldn’t find the hair dryer.” I mutter, embarrassed.
Christian’s mouth presses into a hard line, but he doesn’t say anything.
It’s moments like this that I realize that I will never have a romance-novel-caliber love affair. If it had been ME in this novel the conversation would have gone like this:
Christian: “You’re hair’s very damp”, he scolds.
“Yeah dude, I just had a shower. What…is that not cool bro?”
So anyways, if men are expecting you to have shampoo-commercial-beautiful-flowing hair at the breakfast table, I’m going to have to step up my game. Oh, and in case you are wondering, that is a HANDFUL of bacon in my hand in that picture. I was so happy.
I work in the deli at Costco, which is sort of like working on a ship deck or in a swamp. This is because we have to wear heavy duty slip-resistant shoes, because the floor is literally always covered in chicken grease or water. Now believe it or not, I have successfully avoided wearing slip resistant shoes for the entire year that I have worked there. I like to wear converse at work. These ones specifically:
They are so tacky, they match literally nothing I own. I love them.
Well, two weeks ago, my boss finally scolded me and said that it was time to stop acting like cartoon character, and wear serious shoes for work, which costco would reimburse me for. So I got these giant monstrosity shoes:
Aren’t they scary? Steel toed. I feel like I could use one as a club to beat someone with.
I wore them to work and my boss was satisfied, but I missed my Chuck tailors, so I subbed in some green and yellow shoe laces to make me feel better. When my co worker Raul saw them he said, “Oh my God, really Tara? Do you just CRAVE constant attention?”
And I answered with my new motto for life: “Yes! Stop trying to stifle my enthusiasm for life!”
And that was this week. Have a good evening, the 6 of you who will look at this! Come back on Friday, and I’ll tell you about the steamy romance novel I’ve been reading 😉