Tara Tuesdays: Where my mom shouts “Catch!” and then throws a Christmas Tree down the stairs.

Happy Tuesday! I don’t have much to tell you this afternoon. I’m gearing up for another “review” post where I’ll tell you about watching “Magic Mike”, so for today I’ll just share a couple of things. This is a busy time of year for me,October-December is probably my favorite time of year. There’s Halloween, my birthday, and then Christmas. This is prime gift-receiving time of year for Tara is what I’m saying, so here we go:

1.I did Halloween right this year. There is no punch line coming up where Tara looked ridiculous and had a terrible costume! This year I did good.

wonder woman

Except for the lasso. Dammit, I forgot the lasso.

Lately I’ve found myself associating with Wonder Woman a lot. It probably started because my friend Julian told me that the guys who work at the comic book shop once called me the “gorgeous amazon”.

new years

Truly, her beauty has no match.

 I wish it had occurred to me in years past. She’s a perfect thing for me to dress up as. She’s tall, she has dark hair, I like comic books, it was perfect!

halloween tall 2

Well I’m nailing the “amazon” part of this costume at least. Like in this picture where my wing span is almost enough wrap around three other women.

This costume was very popular and I got many compliments. None bigger perhaps than when I arrived at one Halloween party at the same time that the cops were getting there, and they literally cat called at me.

cops at part

It was classy.

2. Black Friday is a useless holiday. For black Friday I went to target at 10pm on Thanksgiving night to get expensive, fancy bed sheets. I did not participate in any exciting stampedes and fistfights to get a 200 dollar TV, all I wanted were stupid bed sheets.

black friday

Those 50% of board games are gonna be so worth it when I see that look of “mild interest” on my little boys face Christmas morning.

But when I got to the bedding section they were sold out, except for the ones that fit “Full” beds? Who even has a full bed anymore, why is that even still a thing? I think the only places still using full beds are sleazy hotel rooms, and I’m pretty sure they aren’t using 600 thread count sheets.

hotel room

Egyptian Cotton

3. Decorating for Christmas in my house is fun for the 25 minutes that it takes to put ornaments on the tree, and not at all fun for the rest of the time.

christmas decorating

The enthusiasm is palpable

Speaking of the tree, we have never had a real one. This year my dad drug down the big tree box from the attic and all I heard was my mom at the top of the stairs shouting, “Tara, Catch!” Luckily, I did catch. Our fake Christmas tree is safe for another year.

After we get the tree down that’s about the time that decorating stops being fun. Every single year we try to put lights on the tree and then discover that all of the old Christmas light strings don’t work. And every year my mom makes the pronouncement, “ We landed on the moon! How come we can put a man on the moon but we cannot make a string of lights that last from one year to another! If we can’t do one, we couldn’t have possibly done the other!”

space shuttle

My mom believes that the moon landing is a hoax. And yes, the reason is because Christmas lights mysteriously stop working during the year that they sit in the attic.

 I guess I lied, ornaments are not the only fun part. Every year I get to put on my 50-song Christmas playlist. I always play “Last Christmas” and “All I want for Christmas is You” first, and sing them with a passionate deeper meaning that I’m sure annoys the hell out of everyone else in the house.

mistletoe

I also get to set up the Nativity scene that we’ve had for as long as I can remember. Over the last 20 years none of the pieces have been broken or lost. I’ve always liked it, and when I was little I would play with the little figurines and make stories for them. One time I made a story where the angel had a secret love with one of the Shepherds. She saved him from death and then was kicked out of heaven for interfering with his destiny. Geez, I am so talented. I could write a Nativity scene soap opera and the tag line would be, “The Nativity Dairies: Jesus’s birth wasn’t the ONLY story told that night.”

angels kissing

I am so going to hell.

That’s all for today! Did I mention that I watched Magic Mike last night? Yeah, I’ll have to tell you about that one of these days.

-Tara

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