TTTG part 2: BODYPUMP. Someone make the soreness stop

Last time in Tara Tours The Gym, I told you that my gym features several of the Les Mills fitness classes. The first one I went to was BODYSTEP, but the most popular and the most famous of the Les Mills classes is BODYPUMP.

BODYPUMP

This is what it looks like. Except I am not as fit as these women and I sweat 100% more.

BODYPUMP has the most rotation at my gym at least, and apparently everyone except me has heard of this class. While most gym classes are about cardio, BODYPUMP is about strengthening and pumping muscles with weights. Hence the PUMP. I was apprehensive about this class because before I went to it my friend Melanie told me, “I was so sore after that class that I thought I was sick.” And my coworker said, “Oh God, I was so sore after that, I like, died!” and lastly my dad said to me, in a dark and foreboding tone: “I’ve seen that class, it’s…demanding.”

For those of you out there who are saying, “Well duh Tara, it’s BODYPUMP! Everyone knows about that class.” Well, I didn’t. Before this project I had never taken it, and I had no idea what it entailed. All I knew was that it was the most popular class at my gym.

When I got to the gym there was already a long line in front of the studio, and everyone looked like they had done it before. By the way, I’ve recently come to realize that I’m not dressing properly for the gym. All the women were beautiful and fit, and they were all wearing yoga pants, and the kind of tank tops that you can tell are bought specifically from the “Work out attire” section of target. My gym wardrobe is like, “Hey, I have these PJ pants I don’t really sleep in anymore…and I’ve got this shirt that they gave me when I donated blood. That works for the gym right?”

Finally the class before ours ended, and everyone began rushing around the gym with a sense of urgency and purpose that made me feel very out of place. There are a lot of props that go into BODYPUMP.  I found out that you need to set up a step, then get a mat, then get weights and a bar. Seeing the step from BODYSTEP again terrified me for a moment because all I could think was, “Oh God, this is what BODYPUMP is, they are going to make me jump over and dance around this step, and lift heavy weights above my head, ALL AT THE SAME TIME. I’m going to kill myself, it’s for sure this time.”

new years

My parents should use this as my obituary photo. Underneath it will say. “Tara was TARA-IFIC. She will be missed.”

Luckily, that didn’t happen, the step was just something for us to sit down on. But back to the weights portion of this class. I had no idea how much weight to put on my bar, but I didn’t want to hold up the class, so I went for 10 pounds on each side, and then grabbed two 5 pound weights to put on later. I decided to start small so that I wouldn’t wimp out during the middle of the workout, especially since I had no idea what it was going to entail in the slightest. I felt really embarrassed later though, as I watched all the petite, yoga-pants-wearing women hefting around heavier bars than me.

halloween tall

Don’t let my large frame deceive you, my muscles are actually made of marshmallow fluff.

Then the class began. This workout is definitely all about strength training, and much less about cardio. There was a lot of squatting with the bar, lifting the bar over your head, laying down on the bench and doing presses, etc, etc. The idea is that every major muscle group gets used. And everyone in the class seemed really serious about what we were doing. Like sometimes after difficult sets, when the instructor indicated that we were done everyone would yell and fling the bar to the ground with a loud, dramatic thunk. Like, I started getting the feeling that I wasn’t grunting enough.

weightlifter

I guess this is how we’re all supposed to do it.

I definitely had to really work in the class. Just like in the BODYSTEP before, I started sweating immediately into the class, and didn’t stop until we were done. There were parts where I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing. I’d have to rest for a rep, or just do a different variation.

Finally though, the class ended. My muscles felt abused.

Actual serious thoughts about the class:

Everybody was right, this class was pretty intense…but not from a cardio perspective. Don’t get me wrong, I sweated, but I sweat at the slightest provocation. Cardio classes are my favorite, because I just feel like I’m burning more calories. I feel like I need to do this again though. I’ve always heard that it’s important to have a mix of cardio and strength training in a fitness regimen. I wouldn’t ONLY do this class, but it would be something good to work in my routine once or twice a week. I need to work on my muscle strength. Which I know because…

What was sore afterwards: OMG EVERYTHING. ARMS. LEGS. ABS. MAKE IT STOP.

Will I go again: Yeah, at least once. Especially since they have like 4 of these classes everyday at my gym. Like I said, it’s popular.

And that is all for today. Come back for the next installment, where I find out that Pilates is an exercise class, and NOT a fancy dessert!

-Tara

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Tara Tuesdays! Where I share my deep high school poetry

 

This week for Tara Tuesday, I thought I would share some stories about myself with you. Just so that you can get a better sense of who I am, and what sort of crazy things you can expect to happen on this blog.

1.I love puns. Some people are annoyed by silly humor, or humor that supposedly doesn’t take a lot of effort, but I am not one of those people. Silly things just delight me. Once, I found a website that was just for puns, and I fell in love. Then I spent the whole morning texting them one at a time to my best friend Megan while she was in class.

me and megan2

Megan, I know you’re going to graduate school or something, but trust me, this is important: What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction. 😀

So I love puns, but even I have my limits.Some puns are a little too over the top, even for me. Which brings me to my second point for today:

2.Valentine’s Day. I am always single for Valentine’s day, but I don’t hate it like a lot of single people say they do. I understand the arguments against it, “It’s all commercial, you should just do stuff like that anyways, not just once a year, it’s terrible for single people, etc etc.” But to me, a holiday is what you make of it. Valentine’s Day is a fact; you might as well try to enjoy it. That being said, even with my love of puns, I still said “uuuuuugggggggghhhhh” when I saw these displays at Target:

vdaypun2 vdaypun3

Vpun1

Nothing says undying love like that cheap, watery hollow chocolate.

I’m sorry, this is going too far. I feel like this line of novelty gifts came from a notion that women need something MANLY that they can give their boyfriends/husbands for Valentine’s Day. Rather than find their boyfriend something they will like, you have to appease their masculinity, and get them HORRIBLE ideas like this:

vdaypun4

Does this sound good? In any way? Didn’t think so.

By the way, I actually have every right to hate Valentine’s Day. I got my first ever heartbreak on February 14th, 1999. It was 4th grade, and I was deeply, deeply in love with a boy named Dane. He was an neat kid, he was born in Finland.

me and grandma

When I told my Grandma this, she made up the nickname “Stinky from Helsinki”. She did not stop making this joke until she died 11 years later, well after I moved to another school, and didn’t even see this kid anymore. Jokes do not get old for the Niendorff’s.

Anyways though, my class had a Valentine’s Day party. Everyone tapped a brown paper bag to their desk to collect Valentines. The rule was that you had to make one for EVERYONE in the class, so that no one would be left out. I was SOOOOO looking forward to getting one from Dane, and then taping it inside of my diary to cherish forever. Then when the big day came, he didn’t give me one. Everyone else followed the rules, (including the mean girl in class who HATED me) except for Dane. He snubbed me. So that was my first heart break. But I still don’t hate Valentine’s Day! Someday when I have a boyfriend I’m going to make him get me a cheap, kid’s Valentine. I won’t say why, just…resolving old memories.

valentine

Because that’s what mature adults do right?

3.Speaking of old memories, I’ve been a nostalgic person basically since birth. For whatever reason, I’ve always been acutely aware that everything ends, and that I must savor every moment before it’s gone. Even when I was a little girl, I would see my cousins playing, and think, “Someday we’ll be grown up, and this won’t happen anymore.

me toddler

Here’s a picture of my giggling. Because geez, this post is getting depressing. I had a happy childhood, I promise!

So it should come as no surprise that I am a lover of keepsakes. A few days ago I was going through my high school box and I found this:

tara's poems

9th grade can be a hard time. Especially when you have a crush on a boy who turns out to be gay. The words “sorrow”, “tears”, and “crimson” appear a number of times.

Would you like a sample? I thought you might. Ahem, here are snippets from a few of my poems.

Mr. Confused:

God’s pure child becoming dirty.

Mr.Confused

White blood turns to black

Mr.confused

Tears of crimson straight from his broken heart.

Mr.Confused

He comes close an strokes my hand.

You get the point, the poem continues in that same vein. And believe it or not,  I used the phrase “He strokes my hand” in a different poem as well. Evidently hand stroking was pretty romantic to me back then.

You:

I love you

I’ll never say it

But I’ll always feel it

I watch you sleep

And I long to be beside you

Wait what?! Ok, lets make one thing clear, there was no “watching anyone sleep” in 9th grade. I did not watch anyone sleep. Also I don’t know why I though, “creepy stalker” behavior was romantic and deep. Blame it on teenage angst.

me with puppet

Behind this cheerful face was the heart of a tortured poet. I guess.

That’s enough humiliation for me today. Come back in a day or two, where I’ll share with you my second gym class adventure. Spoiler alert, I continue to sweat a lot.

-Tara

Tara Tours The Gym, or TTTG Part 1: BODYSTEP!!! Where I trip a lot.

Back in September my coworker Josh busted his hamstring working out at the gym, and was gone from work until December. Please don’t judge me too harshly, but I MAY have made fun of him about it just a little bit. The thing is, he was always updating his facebook with ridiculous,girl-baiting gym status’s like:  “Middle finger up to my competition”, “Change is Opportunity, don’t be afraid to create your own opportunity” And, “I want to go train at the Mecca one day.” So after he busted his hamstring working too hard at the gym I MAY have said something like, “HA. He won’t be posting those inspirational, girl-baiting quotes now.”

Well, that was definitely not good for my karma. During this step class at the gym I kept thinking, “Tara, if you fall off this step and break your ankle, the guys at work will never let you forget it.” This week I tried BODYSTEP, and I kept stumbling off of the step. Like you know those moments where you land on your leg in such a way that you know that you came THIS CLOSE to twisting your ankle? That probably happened 10 times during the class.

Why did I do this you may ask? Well, at the beginning of this year I decided that one of my projects for this blog would be to try out all of the available group classes at my gym

gym schedule

That BODYATTACK has me a little nervous…

The first class on my list was something called Les Mills BODYSTEP. Les Mills is a company that exports gym class routines to gyms around the world, and apparently my gym LOVES them. There is BODYPUMP, BODYSTEP, CX WORK, and BODYATTACK. They all appear in the gym schedule like that, with intense, CAPS LOCK font. So whenever I look at the schedule I imagine a buff gym instructor shouting the titles at me. There are even more programs that my gym doesn’t feature including BODYVIVE, BODYJAM, and Sha’Bam!…whatever the heck that is.

I decided to go to BODYSTEP first. The description said that the work out would make me feel, “liberated and alive!”

zombie me

Pictured above, “liberated and alive”.

Basically what BODYSTEP entails is a raised step on the floor that one dances around, jumps on and off of, and of course, steps on. Picking this class as my first class might have been a mistake. I’m going to let you guys in on a little secret, I am not very coordinated. Or graceful. Or athletic.

taras blog10

Shockingly, this child did not grow up to be an athelete.

First of all, this class involved a lot of step movements that are meant to be performed while looking at the instructor, and NOT looking down. I stumble frequently, even when I’m just walking normally. I know, pretty much EVERY woman claims that she’s clumsy, but I have actual reasons. It’s just harder for taller people to have good balance. That’s why you never see 6’3 gymnasts.

male gymnast

Believe me, if he was 6’3 I would have found him by now and proposed.

 Once during a gym class in 8th grade there was a day where we were going to do “tumbling activities.” When I stepped up to the mat my gym teacher took one look at me and said, “You can just sit this out if you want.”  So it should go without saying that complicated foot work doesn’t come naturally to me. During BODYSTEP I kept having to do balance checks. Including when I was just standing motionless at the end of the workout doing stretches. Every time we would do a complicated step I noticed that after watching me struggle in vain the instructors would go, “OR, a second option is to just do this…”

I’m just too tall, there’s no getting around it. The instructor would tell us to walk across the length of the step and it would take me like, one step. Also, the people behind me in the studio were probably annoyed because they were trying to watch the instructor, and there’s this giant woman, panting and waving arms wildly in front of them.

And Jeez, I sweat so much. We had “step partners” during this class, and we had to switch steps a couple of times. I kept hoping she wouldn’t notice the drops of sweat all over my step.

Also, I feel so bad, I forgot my partners name! She remembered mine immediately. In the middle of the workout the instructors told us, “Switch, and say hi to your partner!” So she’s like, “Hi Tara!” and I’m like, “Hi….” Then later after the workout I held the locker room door open for her and she was like, “See you later Tara!” And I was like, “See you later….you” Then later I realized that I was accidentally following her in the parking lot, and I had to be stealthy so she wouldn’t turn around and give me another greeting and make me feel guilty for not remembering her name a THIRD time. I wanna say it was Bethany. But it’s one of those situations where I’m afraid to say it in case it’s like, “Hey Bethany!” and she’s like, “My name is Veronica.”

The work out was pretty challenging, even some of the cool down stretches were hard for me.  And in the middle of the stretch the instructor would say, “OR, if you need a challenge, do it like this.” And I was like, “A CHALLENGE! Me not collapsing on the floor and gasping like a fish is a challenge!”

Actual serious thoughts about the class:

There really were times where I was worried I might break my foot or something, but that’s not the class’s fault, I’m just not graceful. Also, the step isn’t really narrow, but all of the other women in the class probably had size 8 feet. I have size 13 feet, there’s not as much room for them on one narrow step! The class itself was enjoyable and challenging when I wasn’t frustrated from stumbling, or almost falling over. This is a great workout if you want to work on toning your legs. Obviously the cardio is great, but the leg toning is what you come to this class for.

What was sore afterwards: My calves and my abs were sore. So you get an ab work out too, which is nice.

Will I go again: I think I might. I still have a lot of classes to try out, but once I’ve done them all I think I might try to work this one into some kind of rotation. The leg toning aspect of it really appeals to me. Also, when I left the class the instructor was really encouraging, she told me I did a good time for my first time, and that it gets easier as you go. Also, she gave me a tote bag!

my triumph

My triumph. Please, for the love of God, ignore all the sweat in this photo.

 One last final thought: I got blisters on my palms during a STEP workout. Yeah, figure that one out.

-Tara

Tara Tuesdays! Where I accidentally “perpendicular park”

Good afternoon readers! I almost typed Good Morning, because I just woke up, but then I remember that it is afternoon and most people get up at a normal hour. I had so many plans to be productive today, I was going to go to a gym class at 10am, and then I rolled over and it was 11:45. I need to go to bed earlier, but my work scheduled changed after Christmas, and I’m always closing, so I stay up late. Before I head off to work though, I thought I would share with you a tale that illustrates just one of the times that my coworkers have mocked and teased me relentlessly.

Sigh. I have a story to tell you about my driving I guess.

notyellow

My driving is excellent. I do important things while driving, like when I get out my phone to take pictures of this taxi telling LIES. YOU’RE NOT YELLOW!!!

“Perpendicular parking” is not the phrase that I used. Before anyone starts judging me, I just want to remind everyone that I have never been in a car accident. (Knock on wood, I just paid off my car) And yet people continue to accuse me of being a bad driver. It really is a huge injustice that gets thrust upon me. I went to driving school, I passed! In college I was the only one with a car, so I drove my friends everywhere, and yet everyone was always complaining about my driving. This is so unfair; I’m no different from the rest of you. Everyone scrapes the front of parking spaces sometimes! Everyone has to slam on their breaks once in a while! Everyone drives over a curb in my neighborhood and gets a flat tire that one time!

flat-tire

The curb was jutting out at me, there was construction going on, it was an awkward turn, the list of reasons why that flat tire was not my fault goes on and on.

 The parade of people mocking my driving continued this weekend when I went to my coworker Jason’s football viewing party. I got off of work right as the game was starting, and I drove across the street to the gas station to get some party goods. It just so happened that my supervisor Nuffie was there doing the exact same thing. After we bought our alcohol and snacks I asked him if he knew where Jason’s house was, and he said I could follow him.

I did so, and he proceeded to get lost. He had to do a turnaround in one neighborhood, so when he did almost the exact same thing in the next neighborhood we went into, I kind of thought he might be lost again. Then suddenly I realized that he was just parking. So I panicked and swerved in front of him and also parked…per say. I was not prepared for parking! He caught me off guard.  Anyways, I still did not know which house on the street the party was at so I jumped out of the car really fast so that he wouldn’t rush off without me. He wasn’t rushing off without me, instead this happened:

Nuffie: “Hold on for a second, I’m gonna take a picture of your parking.”

Tara: “What!? No, don’t do that!”

Nuffie: “Yeah, I’m doing it…”

Tara, running back to car: “No no no! That was just kidding, I’m fixing it. Do over. DO OVER!”

(After pulling forward a considerable distance and getting as close to the curb as possible)

Nuffie: “So you know you’re parked like, two blocks away now right?”

Tara: “Did you get the picture? You’re going to show it to all the guys at work aren’t you?”

Nuffie: “Tara, I’m probably going to print it at work and hang it around the department.”

Afterwards at the party he told everyone that I had, “Perpendicular parked” as opposed to parallel parked. He was exaggerating. I am an excellent driver…

That’s all for today! Have a TARA-ific Tuesday!

Oh I love my name-puns. I’ll never get tired of them.

-Tara

Where I am still recovering from the Costco employee party

Hello everyone!

As we’ve discussed, it is now a new year, and the first major thing I did this year was attend the Costco Holiday Party. We have to have it in January because we’re too busy at work to do it in December. The party is pretty fancy. Almost everybody dresses up, there’s a dinner, and then they give out prizes. Good prizes, like a Kitchen-aid mixer, stereos, Keurig coffee machines, and flat screen TV’s.

me in red

There’s no joke here, working for Costco truly has its perks…one of which is gettin’ to see me looking FOXY.

I’m always a little apprehensive about workplace parties.  I don’t want to get too out of control at these parties, but I still want to have a good time. You have to be careful, how you behave at these parties can affect how your coworkers treat you at work.

round-table-business-meeting

None of us can pay attention to him now that we know he has nipple rings under his shirt.

The party was at the Hyatt Hill Country Resort and spa this year, which is just as fancy as it sounds. The drive there was scary though. The Resort is off the highway, down a long dark road. I guess this is supposed to give the resort a luxurious, “secluded” feel, so that you forget that it’s actually just two miles away from a Whataburger and a Valero gas station.

whataburger

Elegance.

And now I have a confession to make. I forgot about the “not getting too out of control at the workplace party” rule that I mentioned earlier…

drunk woman

No no no! It wasn’t that bad…but almost.

I’m embarrassed.  And the thing is, I don’t even drink very often! For two reasons, One: I have to drive myself home in almost every situation. I do not drink and drive, and I’m single, so there’s no boyfriend that I can shove the DD job onto. Two: I hang out with my Church buddies a lot, and I’m pretty sure that almost all of them have made the decision to abstain from alcohol entirely.  And since I’m a good friend, and I would never ever pressure them into drinking with me, I end up abstaining too.

bible study

 Bible drinking games! One shot for every time someone talks about Jesus!

Last week I got my dad to drive me to the Costco party, where there was an abundance of alcohol (very EXPENSIVE alcohol. Seriously, I’ll be sorry when I’m paying the credit card bill), and an abundance of people willing to drink it with me. So I probably over did it a little bit. By the end of the evening I was high fiving everyone and telling my supervisor Nuffie how much I liked him…as a supervisor. That’s the only positive thing about all this. When I get drunk, I just get nicer and more complimentary, but not in a “come on to you” way.

costco drinking

WHOOOOOOOOOO COSTCO!!!!! By the way, I just want you to know that the example you set as a superior executive is exemplary.

Then in the middle of the evening Nuffie told me that our coworker Martee’s grandson was “digging me”. He got this information from Martee herself, and everyone from deli immediately started encouraging me to approach him. Since I had already had four cocktails by the time I received this information, I was up for anything. Once Jason (another deli coworker) found out that there was a guy at the party who was interested in me, he made it his personal prerogative to set me up. Normally I’m pretty shy, but by the time Jason was steering me over to this guy I was on Cocktail number 5, and I was feeling much friendlier. I kid you not; Jason introduced me to Martee’s grandson with these words:

“Hey you’re Martee’s grandson? Nice to meet you. I’m Jason, and this is TARASAURUS-REX!!! RAWWWWWWR!!!”

new years

Since I was drunk at the time, I was probably making an expression just like this. So we know already I was making killer first impressions.

It’s worth pointing out that Jason had enjoyed his fair share of alcohol by this point too. This is why you should never drink too much alcohol, because I’m embarrassed to say that I do not remember the guy’s name, exactly what we talked about, or entirely what he looked like. I mean…I know he was tall… and he was wearing a hat.

ryan gosling

Yes. It was probably definitely this guy.

We talked about football, I remember that much. I remember that I adamantly defended the Cowboys, because even drunk there are some lines I never cross and values that I never forsake.

redskins

Never, not even if someone points a gun to my head.  It felt wrong just saving this to my computer.

After a brief, and hazily remembered conversation with that guy, I had a few more cocktails.  Then I danced an embarrassing jig on the dance floor, and finally I took photos with Martee and her grandson. This is probably the weirdest thing I remember happening. I mean, what are they going to do with those photos if I never see him again? I can picture the two of them in the future, reminiscing over those pictures, “Oh and here we are at that one Costco party…with this random intoxicated girl”. After taking random pictures with strangers, my dad finally picked me up exactly at midnight. It was like Cinderella, but less classy.

me drunk

True confessions time, there have been other parties that I left  missing one shoe, but for more embarrassing reasons than those of a fairy tale princess.

The next time I went to work my coworker Josh greeted me thusly: “Heeeeeyyyyyy. I heard you got pretty drunk at the holiday party! I heard you met the love of your life too!”

Well if he’s the love of my life that’s going to be an embarrassing story to tell my grandchildren. “The first time I met your grandfather, oh I’ll never forget it. Well, actually I kind of forgot it. Immediately after it happened.”

Have a good day readers! I promise to behave myself better in the future.

-Tara

Where I almost pass out at the gym

Happy New Year everybody! I know, it’s already like two weeks into January, but it’s been a busy two weeks for me. I have lots of plans for this new year, and MANY of them involve this blog, and I am very excited! Let’s talk about some of my New Year’s Resolutions:

1.Exercise more.

I know, I know! I am so cliche, and I hate it! The thing about me is that it’s not like I work out in January and then forget about it for 11 months. I’m very much the type of person who will work out consistently for several months, then fall off for a month or two, then get back on the wagon. Well, I fell off the wagon after my surgery in August. At first my doctor said I couldn’t work out for two months. Then after that I got more involved in church, and one of the consequences of being involved in something is that is leaves less time to do other things. Also though, like everybody else I just make a lot of excuses.

lazy couch

I can’t go to the gym today. I have to go to work in 6 hours, and I need time to get ready.

Also the gym is embarrassing, because most of the people there are the ones who are already fit. Because they go to the gym all the time. The men are muscular and serious looking, and the women sprint on the treadmill for two hours without sweating. Afterwards they have an attractive glow to their cheeks. I start sweating profusely after I’ve been on the elliptical machine for approximately 45 seconds. This is what I look like after exercising:

zombie me

This picture is blurry, but that’s ok. I think it further illustrates the idea that I look wet and insane after physical exertion.

One of the goals for this blog though is to try out all of the classes at the gym and then tell you about them. Since a lot of new classes start out in January this works out very well as a New Year’s Resolution. I’ve already tried cycling class. I almost passed out afterwards. No, literally. So as you can see, we’re off to a good start with this project!

Yoga;Halasana (Plow Pose)

I don’t want to be negative, but I’ll probably find a way to break my leg during yoga, so don’t be surprised when it happens.

2. Eat better. Specifically, better than this:

me eating

And this:

bacon

I love this picture. Happy memories…

3.Find the love of my life, get married, and have lots of babies.

The first time I went to the store after Christmas there was Valentine ’s Day stuff out.

Vday

Jesus HEB, can I have a minute? I JUST now stopped singing “Last Christmas” with a deep, personal significance; can you wait a couple days before reminding me again that I’m single?

This isn’t really something that I can just make happen, but I’m always hopeful.  The problem is that any man that I marry is going to have to accept some very important things about the kind of person that I am. For instance, I have a love for TARA-bul puns. When I hear a terrible pun I don’t just love it, I want to share it with everyone I love immediately. And since I will presumably love my husband the most out of everybody, he will be hearing A LOT of puns. An offshoot of this is that I almost never get tired of a joke. I’m pretty sure the “that’s what she said!!!” is an overdone joke by now, but I still use it at every conceivable opportunity, and I’m pretty sure I would say it to anyone.

priests

Oh yeah. If the set up is good enough, I wouldn’t be ashamed.

And furthermore, as you might have already guessed, I spend a lot of my time looking and acting ridiculous. One of the blogs I love to read is called http://www.filing-jointly.com/, and it is written by Lauren. For Christmas she, her husband, and their friends dressed up in Christmas costumes and spent the day walking around Chicago taking photos with random people. Just for the fun of it, and to spread good cheer. I cannot state strongly enough how much this idea appeals to me.

clowns

Once during high school me and my theater friends went out in public wearing full clown costumes and makeup. We rolled down the windows of my car and listened to loud music. Everyone looked at us with bemused confusion. Nothing has ever felt so right.

So obviously, whoever I marry has to be very…open minded. At the end of the day though I’m an easy woman to please. I don’t need expensive presents. Give me a silly hat to wear in public, or take me on interesting adventures, and i’ll be pleased as punch. How many husbands can say that about their wives?

pink hat

Oh my god, I would die of happiness.

 4.Make the Dallas Cowboys have a better season this year.

Again, this isn’t really a personal New Year’s resolution, but I keep thinking that if I hope and pray enough about it that I can will a better Dallas team into reality.

miles

This same strategy is at work right now for me marrying Miles Austin. Dreams do come true. Stop using your pins of cynicism to pop my balloons of hope!!!

For those of you who don’t watch football, the conclusion of the Dallas Cowboys season was pretty awful.  They had to win the final game of the season to go to the playoffs and they didn’t. They lost it HORRIBLY.  In the sense that they kept me on the edge of my seat the whole game. They looked like they might have a chance to win, only to blow it in the final moments of the game. I cried. Yes, I cried. I also screamed at the TV a lot. At one point my mom was like, “OK, I’m starting to get mad Tara, it’s just a game after all.”

angry_girl

And I was all like, LEAVE THE HOUSE THEN! WE’RE WATCHING FOOTBALL.YOU KNEW WHAT THIS WAS!!! EYES BACK TO YOUR IPAD WOMAN!!!

3.Make this blog better/make a website, become hugely rich and famous from it, and go on Ellen to tell her the secrets of my success.

This one is the most important.

My Christmas presents were serious this year. I’m going to actually DO things with them, and improve because of them.

blogging

Blogging for dummies. Which is a much thicker book than you think.

One of the problems with me is that I get a new idea, and I want to work on it immediately, and then I want it to be finished and perfect almost immediately. This is why I’ve never been able to do puzzles; I absolutely do not have the patience for sitting there for hours putting them together.

complete puzzle

Seriously mom, if you like this picture so much I bet I can go print it off the internet. No one has to know, we’ll draw the little puzzle marks all over it and everything. That would still be faster than this nonsense.

That is sort of what happened with this blog. My grand idea for this blog is really to have a website that talks about LOTS of different things, and has lots of different resources. For instance, I’m really interested in feminist topics, so I’ve always wanted to have feminist blog. I am also really interested in reviews and movies, and critiques of pop culture. As an offshoot of that, I want to have a youtube channel where I review romantic comedies (and other movies or shows that I have something to say about) in a funny way. Very much like this:

This is the nostalgia critic, and he gives me lots of inspiration. But do you see where I’m getting ahead of myself? I don’t even know the ins and outs of designing and maintaining a blog yet, but already I want that to be done and over, so I can expand my projects. So while I haven’t been posting on this blog lately, I have DEFINITELY been working on other projects. Also I have real job that I make money from.

Speaking of that job thing I have, would you like to hear about how I had fun at the Costco Christmas Party? Yes, one might even suggest that I had TOO MUCH fun at the Costco Christmas Party. That story is for next time, and I promise you that it will be worth it.

Have a good weekend readers!

-Tara