TTTG:part 3 BODYATTACK. Where awkward things hapen in the locker room

BODYATTACK was intense. I had a hard time keeping up. This class is based on sports and athletics…sort of. The point of BODYPUMP is to work on strength in all of your major muscle groups, and the point of BODYSTEP is to work on leg strength and cardio.  I think the point of BODYATTACK is to do exercises and movements that you would do during outdoor sports. There was lots of jumping, jogging in place, and leg movement. This class is all about interval cardio training. There was also a part of the class where we did…Push ups.

Ok, I have an embarrassing confession to make. I have no upper body strength. It’s embarrassing because I’m a HUGE PERSON, and you would think that I would have some strength behind me. And when I say I can’t do pushups, girl pushups are what I’m talking about. I mean, I can do like…two. And then I collapse like the exhausted fatty that I am. Regular, manly-man pushups? Forget it, I couldn’t do one if someone was holding a gun to my head.

The class itself is good, but I don’t really have very many funny comments to make about it.  I really need to go to the gym more often. Lately, I’ve been going only once or twice a week, which isn’t enough, but I just get so busy! I have been going more often than before though, which is why for this blog, I have funny comments about my other experiences at the gym.

I don’t typically like to shower at the gym. Every time I tell people this, they always react negatively. Like, “What!? EWWWWW” To which I respond: why is it a gross thing to not shower at the gym, when I can just drive to my own shower a very short distance away? My house is seven minutes to the gym, it’s not like I have to go on this long, sweaty safari just to get back to another shower if I don’t use the one at the gym. I can be sweaty for seven extra minutes if it means I don’t have to wear flip flops while I shower.

All that being said however, I have now showered at the gym several times because I had to meet someone immediately afterwards. Two of these times happened to be after BODYATTACK.  My gym tries to provide good showering services; they have shampoo, conditioner, and bodywash in all of the showers. For my first shower I tried them. Using the shampoo was a little unsettling because it had the exact color, texture, and smell of DayQuil.


You know, the cold medicine. Since it didn’t make my hair sticky I gave the gym the benefit of the doubt and assumed that it was not actually cold medicine.

The second thing that happened during my first gym shower was that I didn’t have a towel. Peak time at my gym is 6pm, which is right around the time that I took my shower, and they were all out of shower towels. So I had two hand towels to dry off with. Also, like many public showers, there seemed to be two settings for water temperature in my particular shower booth, which were frigid, or HELL.

None of these experiences are as awkward though as what happened to me after my first BODYATTACK class.  That shower was awkward because I hadn’t shaved my legs.  Ok, ok, before everybody starts freaking out, let me explain. I wasn’t hairy or anything, it hadn’t been weeks since I had shaved or something. More like three or four days. Look, I don’t have a boyfriend, and nobody else is eager to tenderly stroke my calves on a daily basis, so there really is no reason for me to shave EVERY day. Sometimes I will hear other women say, “Oh, I shave every day, even if I’m single. Gross.”

Kirsten Haglund

And then I’m like, “WELL AREN’T YOU JUST MISS AMERICA?! ANY OTHER WAYS YOU WANT TO MAKE ME FEEL INADEQUATE!?” Except that I don’t REALLY say that, because then I would have no female friends.

So anyways, I was…prickly. Which is fine when it’s the winter, and you’re wearing jeans.  Not so fine when you strip down to your underwear in a locker room full of other women, and realize that everyone else looks like they just left the set of a Gillette razor commercial.

It was awkward enough for me to develop a strategy while I was taking my shower. I would rush back to my locker as fast as possible, and put on jeans quickly, before any of the other women noticed my prickliness. I did so, but in the middle of my sprint I was intercepted by the instructor of the BODYATTACK class that I had just attended. Of course she recognized me at once, because who WOULDN’T remember the uncoordinated, flailing giant in the middle of their aerobics class.

taras blog13

I’m noticeable. Can you spot me in this picture? Hint: I’m the one you will initially assume is a teacher.

 So we had a conversation about the class.

While I was pant-less.

With prickly legs.

You know what was more awkward than that? When we politely chatted, said goodbye, and then walked in the same direction to our lockers, which were right next to each other. So we were forced to have ANOTHER conversation, and my legs were still not shaved.

Actual, serious thoughts about the class:

BODYATTACK has been the most demanding of the classes that I have taken so far. I know I’ve only told you about two others, but I’ve actually also been to Pilates and Zumba. There were times during ATTACK that I thought I wasn’t going to be able to finish, and I had to convert to some of the easier “modifications” several times.  It was a good, hard class.

What was sore afterwards:

Nothing specifically. The class was more fatiguing than anything else. A lot of times after a good workout I feel really good,  those endorphins kick in in a really good way for me. Not for BODYATTACK. After the first time, I just felt bad.

Will I go again?:

Well, I said that I would go back to BODYSTEP, and BODYPUMP, and I intended to, but I haven’t made it back to either yet. I DID already go to BODYATTACK again, and it was just as hard as the first time. Probably because like I said, I keep only going to the gym like once a week. This class is only once a week though, so although I will try to keep going, I know that there will be times I have to miss.

That’s all for today guys, I’m off to take a shower and shave my legs. Which is something that I do, FREQUENTLY. Geez…



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s