Where I treat my microwave like a time bomb

This might come as a shock to you all, but I am not always doing embarrassing, strange, or interesting things. Sometimes my weeks are pretty dull, and as such, I have trouble coming up with things to talk about on the blog.

Lucky for my however I was given a free topic by my old high school friend Christy over at avoidingatrophy

Christy and I were both in choir at Sandra Day O’connor high school, and we both participated in several plays together, including The Wizard of OZ, where she was Dorthy, and as i’ve mentioned before, I was Glinda.

scary me

I don’t have a photo of us together as Dorthy and Glinda. Instead, here’s this picture of us after a choir banquet where she looks lovely, and I look the most insane that I have ever looked in any photo ever.

Christy is a very good writer who tells many insightful and hilarious stories on her blog, and she has very nicely nominated me for something called a Liebster award. As far as I can tell, a Liebster award is a way to promote blogs that have fewer than 200 followers. To qualify you just have to follow these simple rules:

The Rules

1. Link back to the person who nominated you again, here is Christy’s lovely blog

2. Write 11 facts about yourself

3. Answer the 11 questions from the person who nominated you

4. Nominate 11 blogs with 200 or less followers. Notify them.

5. Create 11 questions for those bloggers you’ve nominated to answer.

Let us begin!

Facts about me:

1.When I cook food in the microwave, I do not like to let it count all the way down to zero. To give myself something to do while I wait, I walk around the kitchen in a circle, then when the microwave is closing in on ten seconds, I time the speed of my walk so that I can reach the microwave just as it is reaching 1 second remaining. That way I can fling the microwave door open just before the beeping begins, in the same way that I might frantically disable a bomb as the timer ticks down. It is absolutely the most OCD thing about me.

2. When I have children I want to have a son who I will name “Paul” after my dad. Partly out of respect and love for my father, but also partly so that I can call the two of them, “Big Paulie and Little Paulie” in the accent of an Italian gangster out of “The Godfather.”

3. I am not actually 6’2, i’m really like 6’1 and a half. When people ask me how tall I am I always explain this to them, and then follow it by saying, “But I just say 6’2, because it saves time.” It saves no time, because I give this full explanation to everyone I meet. I never just say, “I am 6’2”.

4. I was 5 pounds and 14 ounces when I was born. People are always shocked by this, like they expected someone as tall as me to say, “I was 14 pounds at birth. The doctor had to use a crane to get me out of there.” No, my mother was a normal sized woman, and I was a small baby. What has happened to my growth since cannot be explained.

5.I don’t like pickles. It’s literally one of the only foods that I will not shove freely into my face.

6. When I was a little girl who would forget to pray at meals, I once offered a prayer to God that went, “Thank you God and Jesus for this meal, and for every other meal that I will eat forever.” I am still arguing with people about whether or not this prayer counts, and all my subsequent meal blessings have been superfluous.

7.I like strong cheeses. Really strong cheeses. I am one of the few people I know who can just eat chunks of blue cheese by itself.

8. When I was little I wanted to marry Michealangelo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Not in a weird way, I was like seven. So our marriage would have consisted of hanging out, eating pizza, and high-fivin’.

9. I’m left handed, and this caused me to be unable to tie my shoes until I was like, 10 years old. Either that, or it was just my failure at normal human coordination in general. I’m blaming left handedness.

10. I don’t like horseback riding. I had a bad experience as a 13 year old, and have avoided it ever since.

11. 4th wall jokes, jokes involving puns, and general silliness in movies and tv are my absolute favorite. So it should go without saying that the muppets are one of my favorite things ever.

Christy’s 11 questions:

1. Describe your best birthday ever.

My Best Birthday is also my worst birthday. Is that possible? For my 23rd birthday I went up to visit my best friend Megan in San Marcos, and she took me to all the college bars, and just let me drink freely. I fell off the wagon of smart decisions completely. I had 10 or 11 drinks, a drunk stranger wanted to take his picture with me and I allowed it to happen, I was a happy girl. Until the moment at 2 am when suddenly it became my worst birthday, and I was lying on Megan’s bathroom floor thinking, “If I have alcohol poisoning, it’s going to be so embarrassing for Megan to have to call the fire department.”

me drunk

Having a good time.

2. If you had all of the talent and ability in the world, what career would you pursue?

I would have multiple careers. As a child I had it all planned out. I would be a singer/actress in my early 20’s, followed by a rich political career that culminated in me becoming president at the age of 36(2024 is my first eligible election year, in case you’re interested), followed by some human rights work in third world countries(specifically women’s rights), lastly followed by being a writer in my retirement.

3. What is your spirit animal?

If you asked me this when I was 12 I would say a tiger. As a kid my favorite animal was the tiger, but as an adult I now recognize that my spirit animal is the Platypus. Remember when I said that I love ridiculous and silly things?

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LOOK AT IT. Its babies are called puggles. Sometimes I believe that God made this animal just for me, to make me laugh and to assure me that he has a sense of humor.

4. What is something that irritates you and why?

It irritates me when people post angry rants about incorrect grammar(or is it grammer?) on facebook. Settle down everyone, this isn’t my Master’s thesis, I’m not drafting up intelligence papers for the Pentagon, I’m telling you about how I’m going to the Cheesecake factory for dinner. If I use the word “your” when I should use “you’re” we will all survive.

5. Which is better: ants or aliens? Please provide an educated response.

Aliens. Because this exists:

simpsons-aliens-kang-kodos

Or wait…maybe ants are better because of this:

a bugs life

I can’t decide, let me get back to you on that.

6. Where is your “second home”?

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This place

This is a mountain town called Red River. My dad’s side of the family has been going here for a week during most summers for the past 50 years. My grandparent’s ashes are spread here, my ashes will go here. It’s kind of a big deal.

7. What is your favorite blog post you’ve ever written?

It’s hard to pick, but probably this one:Where I tell the story of prom

I got to ride in a limo AND a taxi during prom night, it was an exciting night for me.

8. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

We talked about this, I couldn’t choose one career as a kid. It might interest you to know that as a child I never ever wanted to be a teacher or a doctor. While I’ve since flirted with the idea of being a teacher, I have never wavered in my indifference to a career in the medical profession. It is not for me.

9. What are some products that you love?

This thing:

the labbit2

The morning after that birthday we talked about, where I’m trying to recover in Megan’s apartment.

Ok, you’re all going to think I’m weird with this one. This is a labbit. My best friend received one from her then boyfriend several years ago, and I loved it immediately. I am a weird person I guess because every time I go to her apartment I like to pick it up and stroke it. It’s soft. I inexplicably liked it so much that Megan got me one of my very own for Christmas last year. It sits in my room still, and yes, I like to stroke it occasionally. In an absolutely non-creepy way.

the labbit

Again, absolutely not creepy.

10. What is your least favorite sound?

That squeaky sound Styrofoam makes when you rub it together.

11. Do you have a favorite quote or saying?

My favorite things change pretty frequently, so I’ll give you a quote that’s been sticking with me lately, “Jesus, friend of sinners, open our eyes to the lives at the end of our pointing fingers.” Because it is very important to me to try to see someone else’s side of the story, and to be merciful and kind towards others.

The Blogs:

This might disqualify me, but sadly I don’t know of a whole 11 blogs that fit the qualifications, which is alright because I think that this whole exercise is more about getting people exposure, and connecting bloggers. So I can refer you to this blog:

sweet treats by catherine

By a former coworker who always has clever things to say about her family. I again insist to you that you must read Christy’s blog, and also this blog:

Filing Jointly…Finally

which is by Lauren. She has a somewhat large following, but hasn’t really hit the big time yet. I urge you to check her out, especially if you like me. She gave me a lot of inspiration when I was starting this blog.

My Questions:

This is awkward because there are very few people to answer my made up questions, but I’ll list them anyways, because it’s a fun exercise if you need something to blog about (as I did today)

1.Who is the strangest person that you have ever met, and where?

2. If you could meet one famous dead person who would it be, and why?

3. Where is your dream vacation?

4. If you could make a television show, what would the genre be, and what would be your clever title?

5.What is the most adventurous thing you have ever done?

6. What is the most horrific injury that you have ever had, and how did you get it?

7. If you could only keep three possessions (besides clothes) what would you keep?

8. What is your favorite place to shop?

9. Would you rather be a sports superstar or a famous actor?

10. What is your biggest quirk?

11. Cherry or Strawberry poptarts?

That is all for today readers, what interesting questions would you like me to answer next?

-Tara

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Tara Tuesday! Where I fast forward to happier times

So I’ve been dating this guy…

Yeah, you’ve heard about it. People keep asking me things like, “Is it official?” and I’m like, “Is it official? Um, I dunno, we haven’t gotten matching engraved ‘his and her’ bath towels yet, but as soon as we do I’ll let you know.” I’m not good at dating. Maybe there are women out there who know how to have these conversations about whether or not you’re officially a couple yet, and if you’re exclusive to one another, etc, but I don’t know how to have them. So in the meantime, I make this man I’m dating take me to go get giant cinnamon rolls.

giant cinnamon roll

My text was literally, “Let’s go to this restaurant because we can get a giant cinnamon roll.”

There is this restaurant called “Lulu’s café in downtown San Antonio. It is famous, and was featured on “Man vs. Food” because it has giant cinnamon rolls. Not amazing, out of this world, expertly crafted cinnamon rolls, just big ones. We got one for the two of us, and we were only able to eat a third of it. I’m not going to say it was a bad cinnamon roll, it just wasn’t amazing.  I would rather have a regular sized cinnamon roll that tasted amazing than a giant one that tasted like the cinnamon roll that you can get in a cafeteria line.

After we had most of our enormous cinnamon roll wrapped up, my man took it home with him. We came in separate cars, and at a stoplight he pulled up next to me and started brandishing the cinnamon roll at me with gusto. I don’t know what that meant, and he has yet to explain it to me.

Last week I came over to his house to play a gambling game with him, his uncle, and his grandma. This sounds like a weird grouping but it wasn’t, I work with his grandma, she’s the one who introduced us. The game involved spinning a Mexican dreidel, and then either giving or receiving the number of quarters that the dreidel landed on. So sometimes you would have to put quarters in, sometimes you would take some from the pile, sometimes you would win the whole pile, etc, etc. That’s all well and good, except that I couldn’t spin the dreidel!

Dreidel

No seriously, it’s a good thing I’m not Jewish, life would have been much harder.

Instead of spinning quietly and gracefully like the spinning top in the movie Inception, every time I tried to spin the dreidel it would like, go crashing along the table, knocking into other people’s quarters. And it KEPT happening to me, I couldn’t ever get it right. I cannot spin a top. My man’s grandma found it so funny that she got out her phone and recorded it to show our coworkers the next day.

This is what happens when I go on dates. Family members get out recording devices to document my hilarious ineptitude.

Another thing that I’m finding out from dating this guy is that apparently I am a weird person.

Ana and I

7th grade makeup

me in snuggie

Nothing amiss here.

 He says I’m weird because I don’t just watch the show “The Walking Dead”, I wait until the episode airs, go read spoilers on the internet, and THEN I watch the show. He was very confused by this, even after I explained to him that it is because I want to know who dies in advance. Not because I want it to be ruined for me, I just want to be emotionally prepared for when characters I love die. If the character I love dies then it’s awful, but if I already know it’s coming, it softens the blow. Like, “Oh man, I think we’re getting to the part where Timothy gets shot in the chest and falls off a cliff-ohp, yeah, there it is.” If I don’t spoil it for myself it plays out like, “WHAT!!!! TIMOTHY JUST GOT SHOT IN THE CHEST!!!! HOW COULD THEY DO THIS!!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!”

I do this with new movies that I have heard are really sad too.  And during my favorite movies, I have to fast forward through scenes that are embarrassing, humiliating, or emotionally wrenching for my favorite characters. Like somehow I can spare them from the awfulness that’s about to happen.

simba

It’s ok Simba, I’m fastforwarding, you’ll be meeting two new best friends in no time!

Apparently this makes me weird. Psh. If fast forwarding through the lion king so that I can watch “Hakuna Matata” sooner makes me wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

-Tara

Where I hit people in the face with my elbow

Hello, how are you this afternoon readers? It’s been a pretty nice week for me, besides having to call in sick to work. Calling in sick is never fun, but it does give me a little bit of extra time to sit around and think about things to write for the blog. I had a little inspiration this week because a couple of days ago I got to get together with my extended family. Specifically, my mom’s siblings and their children. Over the course of the visit we got to talking about many of the injuries, mishaps, and adventures that we all had as children. It was these conversations that inspired my post for today, where I thought I would share with you some of my more embarrassing and awful stories from childhood, specifically the period including middle school.

awkward me

I wanted a picture from middle school, but there are very few that survive, so here is one from high school. You’ll just have to imagine this, but even more awkward. Somehow.

ONE. That time where I grew 12 inches in four years.

Oh, no joke here, it happened. I was always the biggest of the kids, but 4th grade was when things really got out of control. I started out 4th grade at 5’2, and ended 4th grade at 5’4. My growth spurt is actually what made my parents stop taking me to day care.  At around the age of ten, I noticed that some of the other kids at the day care were starting to approach me with bizarre questions like, “Can I play in the big kid game room?” “Can Jimmy come into the big kid room too?” and, “Can I go to the bathroom please?”I was perplexed for several weeks until I realized that the other children at day care had started assuming that I was one of the caretakers. At TEN.

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Something about this persona screamed “adult”

After that, I grew approximately 2 inches every year until the end of 8th grade, where I pretty much stopped at 6’1 or so.  Middle school is awkward anyways, but the terribleness of the whole experience is intensified when you are a foot taller than all of the cute boys, and you can no longer buy shoes meant for adult women by the time you reach age 12. I’m not sorry that I’m tall, it’s part of who I am and I love it, but I am sorry that my growth spurt happened in this window of time. Once in 8th grade I walked into a classroom and a student asked if I was the substitute. My height caused people to think I was an adult a disturbing number of times, and it also led to another awkward incident that I like to call…

TWO: That time where I hit another human being in the face with my elbow

My middle school was the weirdest school ever. Every aspect of our behavior was rigidly controlled, and there was a lot of herding. We had assigned seating at lunch, we weren’t allowed to carry our backpacks around during the day, and we had one-way hallways. That’s right, one-way hallways. Between classes we were only allowed to go one direction down the hall ways. Like, if our class was behind us, we had to walk all the way around the building to get to it. It was stupid. I think the teachers spent way too much time thinking up ways to treat us like cattle rather than actual human beings. And I blame the one way hallways for this particular incident because without them we wouldn’t have all had to walk in crowed, single file packs.  So once when I was walking down a packed hallway surrounded by a whole herd of 6th graders. While I walked, I swung my elbow back and hit a 6th grade girl in the face with it. Literally. I know I exaggerate some of my stories, but this is not one of those times. She was so short that her face was at the same height as my elbow. It was traumatizing for both of us.

I thought that something so horrifying could only happen to me in the confines of middle school, but then about 6th months ago a sweaty child ran into my elbow. Afterwards my elbow was wet. It was traumatizing for both of us.

THREE: That time when I had a Freudian slip.

Ok, I cannot be the only person who has done what I’m about to tell you about. That does not make it less awkward. Once, in the middle of 8th grade science class I was called upon to answer a question about organisms, and instead of organisms I said orgasms. This was especially embarrassing because I’m pretty sure that I barely even knew what an orgasm was at the time. I was only 14. Never the less, I said it, in the middle of a silent classroom, with everyone staring right at me. I remember being in the middle of my answer, and realizing after I had said it that something had gone dreadfully wrong. No one stopped me though, or laughed, or acknowledged it in any way, except to stare at me, shocked. So I turned red, and started sweating, and sputtering, and I honestly don’t even know how my response ended. I think eventually I just faded out slowly, like a song on the radio, as everyone watched me in horror. Then after a pause the teacher cleared his throat and said loudly, “Yes, ORGANISMS do have the fundamental characteristic of…”

And then I crawled under the desk and perished from embarrassment, at which point one of the other students jumped up and said, “Um sir, I think the substitute teacher just died!”

That’s all for today readers, what embarrassing things happened to you during your youth?

-Tara

Tara Tuesday! My SXSW story in pictures

This past weekend my best friend Megan and I drove up to Austin to experience the music festival SXSW. We did this last year too, and when I say we went to SXSW, it isn’t really true.  To go to the official events sponsored by SXSW you have to pay literally thousands of dollars for a badge. I looked it up. There will never be a time when I love music that much. Unless Jesus is starting a band with a resurrected John Lennon and Johnny Cash, I will never pay that much money to get into a concert. (By the way, wouldn’t that be a cool band? Since it’s 2013 they would play nothing but dubstep and call themselves “J to the 3rd power”…or “Jesus saves J”…or “Three Wise Men” OMG, that last one, let’s copyright it, quick!)

No, what Megan and I like to do is just arrive at 6th street and walk from bar to bar, listening to a certain band for a little while, and then moving on to the next one.  Let me share with you some of the things we saw and experienced in Austin last Friday. Mostly through pictures, and several of them taken by Megan(twitter account: @mlovelady11). Why are several of them Megan’s? Because she had a real camera, and also because I don’t know how to frame things. Illustrated by these two photo’s we took of the same band.

Sxsw1

sxsw2

Why get the whole band in the photo? That would be silly.

First things first, I drove to San Marcos, picked up Megan, and then we drove to Austin. We parked at my Uncle Dan’s house. He lives on 12th street, within walking distance of the Capital, and 6th street, where we wanted to go. He also lives across the street from a food truck village.  It’s a pretty hip place.

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Definitely in Austin now

After we got to Austin we walked down to the capital to meet our friend Birk.  Birk is a friend of mine from college where we were both officers in the Young Democrats at UTSA

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Birk is next to me. Funny story, Birk was the “Chairman” of the Young democrats, but everyone always accidentally called him “President”. Trying to put a stop to this confusion, we renamed the position “President” in the middle of the semester after we had all gotten used to the old name, whereupon we all continued to call him “Chairman” by mistake.

Unlike me, Birk used his Political Science degree to get a real job in Austin as a legislative aide.

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Here is a picture of the beautiful capital dome.@mlovelady11

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Here is another one, with a giant tree blocking the view of the dome. Can you tell which photo was taken by Megan?

Birk met us for lunch, and took us to a local Austin place for lunch called the Texas Chili Parlor. I was super excited. In the last few years I’ve made a real effort to go to local places when I’m out of town. I figure that I can go to Chili’s restaurant anywhere, but I can only go to local restaurants in the town that they are located. So we went to this place, and then our waiter was the most bored, vaguely angry looking waiter I have ever had. When we walked in the door he was literally like, “I guess you can sit here…whatever.” That’s not the point though, the food was delicious, and we had a good time seeing Birk.

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Not a good enough time to take a photo with him evidently. Stupid of me. But as you can see I was too busy taking artsy photo’s of restaurant signs.

After that Birk took us back to the Capital and showed us the memorial for fallen Police officers, and told us where things were in the Capital, which was important because Megan had never been there before!

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She’s lived in Texas her whole life, how did this happen!?

Finally though, after we had walked around the Capital a little bit, and Megan had gotten a sufficient amount of Texas history, we walked down to 6th street. Before I get into the bands that we actually heard and saw, let me share with you some of the very interesting people we saw. Because that’s absolutely part of SXSW, all of the interesting people watching that you can do.

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Tight, tight leather pants and an exposed chest. Because why the hell not? After I took this picture some drunk girls in equally strange clothes ran up to him to take pictures with him.

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I told you that we went last year. I didn’t hear a whisper about any of the same bands that we saw last year…except for this one random street performer. After posting a photo on my facebook page my friend Geoff excitedly commented, “OMG, YOU SAW THE VIOLIN MONSTER!!??” I looked. Violinmonster.com, it’s a real thing. I’m glad someone knew who he was.

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Before anyone gets excited, No, I didn’t put a dollar in that garter belt. @mlovelady11

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Gumby! @mlovelady11

But enough of that, as you can see, there were lots of interesting people to look at. Lets talk about the bands we saw and the music we listened to. Before we begin though, lets play a game. Try to guess which of these are real band names, and which are just ones that I made up.

Great Peacock, Sudden Grudge, The Virgin Wolves, Pelican Murder, Bumpin Uglies, The Pin Up Girls, The Wilderness of Manitoba, and Trees on Fire.

Quick, no cheating, which ones are real?

Sudden Grudge, Pelican Murder, The Pin Up Girls, and Trees on Fire are ones that I invented They may or may not exist already. If they don’t exist though I think I might get copyrights and start my own indie alternative band. The other ones are real. I didn’t ever get to see Bumpin Uglies.

The bands that we did see are as follows

The Rise of the Broken:

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We actually didn’t see much of them, but this was the first band and I was all like, “OMG, OMG, we’re here! We’re so cool, we’re watching an indie band at SXSW, I have to document our counter-culture hip-ness!!!” @mlovelady11

The Hindu Pirates:

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Megan and I both really liked them, they were really skilled, but they didn’t have a microphone! I didn’t hear their vocals until I looked them up at home.

The Wilderness of Manitoba:

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See, this is a real band! They totally had the kind of sound that I like, and not at all the kind of sound that Megan likes. I made her stay for a while though, sorry Megan.

Paris Luna:

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This band was sort of a rock/country fusion. I bought a couple of their songs on itunes when I got home. They were good, but this music video of theirs is sort of hilariously terribly acted:

Sam Sliva and the Good

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They sang a song specifically about San Marcos, which was exciting to Megan.

The Golden Ghosts:

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Another good band. Their front man was really funny and charming. This was also one of the bands that I got free CD from.

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Their bassist was wearing really skinny jeans though. Like I should have been enjoying the music, but instead of that I was just looking at him thinking, “Those just can’t be comfortable. Someone needs to find him some nice levi’s.”

Paper Lions:

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Might have been my favorite band of the evening. You might notice that we are behind the band. The club had a cover, but large, open windows, so we just kinda hung out like a bunch of free loaders.@mlovelady11

 After they finished their set Megan reached through the window and tapped the bassist on the shoulder and he sold us two CD’s. Since the club had a cover we were just hanging out by the window between sets. Then the bouncer saw us and asked if we knew the bands performing. Megan lied and said yes, and the bouncer told us to go around the block and through the back alley, and he would let us through the back door for free. I don’t know what inspired him to do this, but we followed instructions and went down the dangerous, creepy looking back alley.  Then he led us down the dirtiest, most dimly lit set of stairs that I have ever seen. Seriously, I can only imagine how many shots of heroine have been given and received on that staircase. It was so shady that I wanted to stop and take a picture, but I thought that stopping the bouncer with, “hold on, I have to take pictures of this staircase for my blog” would have been trying the man’s patience. When we got in we saw another band!

The Cold Wars:

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Megan liked this band, they had a real punk/alternative sound. They were also giving out cassette tapes instead of CD’s because apparently they forgot that it’s 2013, and not 1991.

And that was our SXSW adventure! We left 6th street at around 10pm because we’re as wild and crazy as two old ladies.

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Instead of drinking we bought milk and cookies on the way home. We’re legit.

That’s all for today, have a good day readers!

-Tara

Tara Tuesday! Where I get lost on the south side

It happened again. I promised myself to write more often, and be more consistent, and then I went two weeks without posting. I’ve been busy. There was work as usual, plus church functions as usual, plus social life as usual, but now I also have dates that are taking up part of my time. That’s right, date(s) plural. I’m really popular. As a result i’ve been horribly neglecting the blog, but that is over right now! Let me tell you about a few of the things that have happened since we last talked.

1.A few posts ago I told you about how I had a date planned with a certain gentleman right before Valentine’s day. Well I had a good time. We went bowling, and I wore pink socks with bowling shoes and a black skirt.

bowling shoes

Well I wasn’t NOT going to wear my cute black skirt on a first date. Notice also how the socks make my legs look all short and stubby. I know how to attract the fellas.

Like literally every other sport of physical activity, I’m not good at bowling. Lots of people are terrible at bowling, but my technique has less to do with rolling, and more to do hurling the ball as far down the lane as possible. When I throw my bowling ball it goes halfway down the lane before landing with a scary thud. Like a shot put but underhand.

shotput-barnes

This might work better for me. I swear, I knock down more pins when the ball has less “rolling” time and more “High in the air” time.

I hit more pins this way, but every time I turned around my date was staring at me with open mouthed disbelief. At first I thought he was just being melodramatic, but then we went on a double date with his friends and when I turned around after throwing the ball the first time they were all giving me the same look.

surprised

This isn’t the sort of facial expression that you should inspire in others while dating.

2. I went to the Rodeo! A group of girls from my church got together and we went to enjoy the festivities. I ate a corn dog, AND a deep fried snickers bar. Every year I go to the rodeo I tell myself that I am not going to get a deep fried oddity, and every year I am intrigued by some new, terrible food monstrosity. One year it was deep fried oreos, the next year it was deep fried twinkies, and this year it was deep fried candy bar. And I suffered for it. I got heartburn in the middle of the night and I had terrible nightmares. Heart burn is supposed to happen to old fat men, not young, beautiful 20somethings. I should be exempt from negative food consequences.

cream puffs

I also got heartburn after these cream puffs. Life is hard.

I also ran into one of my coworkers at the rodeo. While I was standing in line for corndogs my coworker Arturo came up and started talking to me. My church friends were off to the side waiting for me, and apparently were watching me,  having a discussion about whether or not I needed to be rescued from this middle aged guy who was apparently hitting on me. They didn’t rescue me, but the situation made me realize that maybe we should develop signals in case a rescue is ever required.

creepy_man(1)

Ok, I take it back. If this guy is ever talking to me, making this expression then you shouldn’t need a signal.

3. I got lost on the south side at 1am. This one is actually also about dating. As I said, the man I am dating took me on a double date last week, and at the end of the date we ended up splitting up from his friends, so I had to give him a ride home. This caused problems to begin with because we had to argue about my driving skills. I am a GOOD driver, and I DO NOT take turns to fast. Geez, everybody’s always judging me. I’ve never been in a car accident. Which is not a “miracle”, DAD.

 me and dad

Yeah Dad, make jokes about my driving, just remember that I’ll be choosing your nursing home.

Anyways the guy i’m dating lives on the south side, which I am not very familiar with. After I dropped him off I got lost, and I had to call my mom at 1am to help me get home.  Which was embarrassing since my date told me when we parted ways, “Text me to let me know you got home safe, which I kind of doubt, now that I’ve seen your driving.” And I was all like, “Haha, very funny, I’ll get home just fine.” the joke was on me. 

4. I’ve been looking for advice about writing. Online, and in books. I’ve found a lot of good stuff and insightful information, but I also found this at half-priced books:

how to romance

This is probably why Fifty Shades of Grey exists. I hope you’re happy America.

I take a lot of weird photo’s on my phone for my blog. I realized this today. A lot of times it’s just stuff that I find ridiculous or silly. But I hope my phone never gets stolen, or gets confiscated by the police for evidence or something, because these strange photos have no context.

getting wild

This photo comes after another photo of a weird bra that I found at Victoria Secret. Don’t assume things world, I don’t need instructions on “getting wild and kinky”. 

That’s it for today readers! I promise to be good, and post more often from now on. Like later this week, where I’ll tell you about the awkward things that happened to me during middle school. Have you ever hit another person in the face by accident with your elbow? Well I have, and you’ll get to hear about it!

-Tara