So I’ve been dating this guy…
Yeah, you’ve heard about it. People keep asking me things like, “Is it official?” and I’m like, “Is it official? Um, I dunno, we haven’t gotten matching engraved ‘his and her’ bath towels yet, but as soon as we do I’ll let you know.” I’m not good at dating. Maybe there are women out there who know how to have these conversations about whether or not you’re officially a couple yet, and if you’re exclusive to one another, etc, but I don’t know how to have them. So in the meantime, I make this man I’m dating take me to go get giant cinnamon rolls.
My text was literally, “Let’s go to this restaurant because we can get a giant cinnamon roll.”
There is this restaurant called “Lulu’s café in downtown San Antonio. It is famous, and was featured on “Man vs. Food” because it has giant cinnamon rolls. Not amazing, out of this world, expertly crafted cinnamon rolls, just big ones. We got one for the two of us, and we were only able to eat a third of it. I’m not going to say it was a bad cinnamon roll, it just wasn’t amazing. I would rather have a regular sized cinnamon roll that tasted amazing than a giant one that tasted like the cinnamon roll that you can get in a cafeteria line.
After we had most of our enormous cinnamon roll wrapped up, my man took it home with him. We came in separate cars, and at a stoplight he pulled up next to me and started brandishing the cinnamon roll at me with gusto. I don’t know what that meant, and he has yet to explain it to me.
Last week I came over to his house to play a gambling game with him, his uncle, and his grandma. This sounds like a weird grouping but it wasn’t, I work with his grandma, she’s the one who introduced us. The game involved spinning a Mexican dreidel, and then either giving or receiving the number of quarters that the dreidel landed on. So sometimes you would have to put quarters in, sometimes you would take some from the pile, sometimes you would win the whole pile, etc, etc. That’s all well and good, except that I couldn’t spin the dreidel!
No seriously, it’s a good thing I’m not Jewish, life would have been much harder.
Instead of spinning quietly and gracefully like the spinning top in the movie Inception, every time I tried to spin the dreidel it would like, go crashing along the table, knocking into other people’s quarters. And it KEPT happening to me, I couldn’t ever get it right. I cannot spin a top. My man’s grandma found it so funny that she got out her phone and recorded it to show our coworkers the next day.
This is what happens when I go on dates. Family members get out recording devices to document my hilarious ineptitude.
Another thing that I’m finding out from dating this guy is that apparently I am a weird person.
Nothing amiss here.
He says I’m weird because I don’t just watch the show “The Walking Dead”, I wait until the episode airs, go read spoilers on the internet, and THEN I watch the show. He was very confused by this, even after I explained to him that it is because I want to know who dies in advance. Not because I want it to be ruined for me, I just want to be emotionally prepared for when characters I love die. If the character I love dies then it’s awful, but if I already know it’s coming, it softens the blow. Like, “Oh man, I think we’re getting to the part where Timothy gets shot in the chest and falls off a cliff-ohp, yeah, there it is.” If I don’t spoil it for myself it plays out like, “WHAT!!!! TIMOTHY JUST GOT SHOT IN THE CHEST!!!! HOW COULD THEY DO THIS!!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!”
I do this with new movies that I have heard are really sad too. And during my favorite movies, I have to fast forward through scenes that are embarrassing, humiliating, or emotionally wrenching for my favorite characters. Like somehow I can spare them from the awfulness that’s about to happen.
It’s ok Simba, I’m fastforwarding, you’ll be meeting two new best friends in no time!
Apparently this makes me weird. Psh. If fast forwarding through the lion king so that I can watch “Hakuna Matata” sooner makes me wrong, then I don’t want to be right.