Where I treat my microwave like a time bomb

This might come as a shock to you all, but I am not always doing embarrassing, strange, or interesting things. Sometimes my weeks are pretty dull, and as such, I have trouble coming up with things to talk about on the blog.

Lucky for my however I was given a free topic by my old high school friend Christy over at avoidingatrophy

Christy and I were both in choir at Sandra Day O’connor high school, and we both participated in several plays together, including The Wizard of OZ, where she was Dorthy, and as i’ve mentioned before, I was Glinda.

scary me

I don’t have a photo of us together as Dorthy and Glinda. Instead, here’s this picture of us after a choir banquet where she looks lovely, and I look the most insane that I have ever looked in any photo ever.

Christy is a very good writer who tells many insightful and hilarious stories on her blog, and she has very nicely nominated me for something called a Liebster award. As far as I can tell, a Liebster award is a way to promote blogs that have fewer than 200 followers. To qualify you just have to follow these simple rules:

The Rules

1. Link back to the person who nominated you again, here is Christy’s lovely blog

2. Write 11 facts about yourself

3. Answer the 11 questions from the person who nominated you

4. Nominate 11 blogs with 200 or less followers. Notify them.

5. Create 11 questions for those bloggers you’ve nominated to answer.

Let us begin!

Facts about me:

1.When I cook food in the microwave, I do not like to let it count all the way down to zero. To give myself something to do while I wait, I walk around the kitchen in a circle, then when the microwave is closing in on ten seconds, I time the speed of my walk so that I can reach the microwave just as it is reaching 1 second remaining. That way I can fling the microwave door open just before the beeping begins, in the same way that I might frantically disable a bomb as the timer ticks down. It is absolutely the most OCD thing about me.

2. When I have children I want to have a son who I will name “Paul” after my dad. Partly out of respect and love for my father, but also partly so that I can call the two of them, “Big Paulie and Little Paulie” in the accent of an Italian gangster out of “The Godfather.”

3. I am not actually 6’2, i’m really like 6’1 and a half. When people ask me how tall I am I always explain this to them, and then follow it by saying, “But I just say 6’2, because it saves time.” It saves no time, because I give this full explanation to everyone I meet. I never just say, “I am 6’2”.

4. I was 5 pounds and 14 ounces when I was born. People are always shocked by this, like they expected someone as tall as me to say, “I was 14 pounds at birth. The doctor had to use a crane to get me out of there.” No, my mother was a normal sized woman, and I was a small baby. What has happened to my growth since cannot be explained.

5.I don’t like pickles. It’s literally one of the only foods that I will not shove freely into my face.

6. When I was a little girl who would forget to pray at meals, I once offered a prayer to God that went, “Thank you God and Jesus for this meal, and for every other meal that I will eat forever.” I am still arguing with people about whether or not this prayer counts, and all my subsequent meal blessings have been superfluous.

7.I like strong cheeses. Really strong cheeses. I am one of the few people I know who can just eat chunks of blue cheese by itself.

8. When I was little I wanted to marry Michealangelo from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Not in a weird way, I was like seven. So our marriage would have consisted of hanging out, eating pizza, and high-fivin’.

9. I’m left handed, and this caused me to be unable to tie my shoes until I was like, 10 years old. Either that, or it was just my failure at normal human coordination in general. I’m blaming left handedness.

10. I don’t like horseback riding. I had a bad experience as a 13 year old, and have avoided it ever since.

11. 4th wall jokes, jokes involving puns, and general silliness in movies and tv are my absolute favorite. So it should go without saying that the muppets are one of my favorite things ever.

Christy’s 11 questions:

1. Describe your best birthday ever.

My Best Birthday is also my worst birthday. Is that possible? For my 23rd birthday I went up to visit my best friend Megan in San Marcos, and she took me to all the college bars, and just let me drink freely. I fell off the wagon of smart decisions completely. I had 10 or 11 drinks, a drunk stranger wanted to take his picture with me and I allowed it to happen, I was a happy girl. Until the moment at 2 am when suddenly it became my worst birthday, and I was lying on Megan’s bathroom floor thinking, “If I have alcohol poisoning, it’s going to be so embarrassing for Megan to have to call the fire department.”

me drunk

Having a good time.

2. If you had all of the talent and ability in the world, what career would you pursue?

I would have multiple careers. As a child I had it all planned out. I would be a singer/actress in my early 20’s, followed by a rich political career that culminated in me becoming president at the age of 36(2024 is my first eligible election year, in case you’re interested), followed by some human rights work in third world countries(specifically women’s rights), lastly followed by being a writer in my retirement.

3. What is your spirit animal?

If you asked me this when I was 12 I would say a tiger. As a kid my favorite animal was the tiger, but as an adult I now recognize that my spirit animal is the Platypus. Remember when I said that I love ridiculous and silly things?

platypus-003

LOOK AT IT. Its babies are called puggles. Sometimes I believe that God made this animal just for me, to make me laugh and to assure me that he has a sense of humor.

4. What is something that irritates you and why?

It irritates me when people post angry rants about incorrect grammar(or is it grammer?) on facebook. Settle down everyone, this isn’t my Master’s thesis, I’m not drafting up intelligence papers for the Pentagon, I’m telling you about how I’m going to the Cheesecake factory for dinner. If I use the word “your” when I should use “you’re” we will all survive.

5. Which is better: ants or aliens? Please provide an educated response.

Aliens. Because this exists:

simpsons-aliens-kang-kodos

Or wait…maybe ants are better because of this:

a bugs life

I can’t decide, let me get back to you on that.

6. Where is your “second home”?

red river

This place

This is a mountain town called Red River. My dad’s side of the family has been going here for a week during most summers for the past 50 years. My grandparent’s ashes are spread here, my ashes will go here. It’s kind of a big deal.

7. What is your favorite blog post you’ve ever written?

It’s hard to pick, but probably this one:Where I tell the story of prom

I got to ride in a limo AND a taxi during prom night, it was an exciting night for me.

8. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?

We talked about this, I couldn’t choose one career as a kid. It might interest you to know that as a child I never ever wanted to be a teacher or a doctor. While I’ve since flirted with the idea of being a teacher, I have never wavered in my indifference to a career in the medical profession. It is not for me.

9. What are some products that you love?

This thing:

the labbit2

The morning after that birthday we talked about, where I’m trying to recover in Megan’s apartment.

Ok, you’re all going to think I’m weird with this one. This is a labbit. My best friend received one from her then boyfriend several years ago, and I loved it immediately. I am a weird person I guess because every time I go to her apartment I like to pick it up and stroke it. It’s soft. I inexplicably liked it so much that Megan got me one of my very own for Christmas last year. It sits in my room still, and yes, I like to stroke it occasionally. In an absolutely non-creepy way.

the labbit

Again, absolutely not creepy.

10. What is your least favorite sound?

That squeaky sound Styrofoam makes when you rub it together.

11. Do you have a favorite quote or saying?

My favorite things change pretty frequently, so I’ll give you a quote that’s been sticking with me lately, “Jesus, friend of sinners, open our eyes to the lives at the end of our pointing fingers.” Because it is very important to me to try to see someone else’s side of the story, and to be merciful and kind towards others.

The Blogs:

This might disqualify me, but sadly I don’t know of a whole 11 blogs that fit the qualifications, which is alright because I think that this whole exercise is more about getting people exposure, and connecting bloggers. So I can refer you to this blog:

sweet treats by catherine

By a former coworker who always has clever things to say about her family. I again insist to you that you must read Christy’s blog, and also this blog:

Filing Jointly…Finally

which is by Lauren. She has a somewhat large following, but hasn’t really hit the big time yet. I urge you to check her out, especially if you like me. She gave me a lot of inspiration when I was starting this blog.

My Questions:

This is awkward because there are very few people to answer my made up questions, but I’ll list them anyways, because it’s a fun exercise if you need something to blog about (as I did today)

1.Who is the strangest person that you have ever met, and where?

2. If you could meet one famous dead person who would it be, and why?

3. Where is your dream vacation?

4. If you could make a television show, what would the genre be, and what would be your clever title?

5.What is the most adventurous thing you have ever done?

6. What is the most horrific injury that you have ever had, and how did you get it?

7. If you could only keep three possessions (besides clothes) what would you keep?

8. What is your favorite place to shop?

9. Would you rather be a sports superstar or a famous actor?

10. What is your biggest quirk?

11. Cherry or Strawberry poptarts?

That is all for today readers, what interesting questions would you like me to answer next?

-Tara

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