Where I list the 5 most terrible songs from my IPOD

My coworkers are mean to me.

raul stealing

This is a picture of Raul, shamelessly stealing candy from my locker while I am not at work, taken by Jason, who ALSO shamelessly steals candy from my locker when I’m not at work.

Nah, just kidding, they aren’t really mean to me, they just tease me every day. (And take candy from my locker.) They like to tease me partly because I drop things at work on a continual basis, partly because I am what my boss Nuffie calls, “gullible” and what I call, “loyally trusting of what my supervisor Nuffie instructs me to do, even if it seems a little suspicious, because I am a good employee”, and partly because they all CLAIM that I listen to horrible music.

nickelback

Raul tells me I listen to horrible music and then makes us listen to Nickleback for an hour and a half. You be the judge of who has terrible music

I do not have terrible taste in music, I have eclectic taste in music.  I listen to everything from Eminem to Rogers and Hammerstein show tunes. The Beatles to N’SYNC. Frank Sinatra to tejano. I’m not a person who loves specific albums or artists, so this age of the itunes “buy it by the song” is PERFECT for me.

All that said though, I do have a few songs on my ipod that are somewhat embarrassing. I thought I would round up a few and try to explain myself.

5. The Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything-Veggie Tales

I LOVE this song. Do I even need to explain myself? I’ve told you about how silly I am, and about how I love silly things, and this song  opens up with an explanation about how it is going to be a silly song. It’s hard for me to imagine a situation where this song  could not cheer me up. It is a perfect marriage of all of the things that I love. Animation, silliness, randomness, and references to cereal mascots.

As a matter of fact, why did I even put this song on the list? I am not ashamed! Well a little bit. This song comes from a children’s program and it is embarrassing and awkward to explain when it comes on over the stereo at your adult job The boys in the deli were not satisfied with my explanation of, “But it’s so silly! They’re pirates, for one, ANNNNNNNDDD they don’t DO anything!” and then they made me turn off my ipod. Foiled again.

4. Year 3000-The Jonas Brothers

No matter how much you hate Justin Beiber I can assure you right now that the Jonas Brothers hate him much more for taking all of their spotlight. Way back around the year 2008, the Jonas brothers were pretty reasonably popular with the Disney crowd. I was not personally obsessed with them, I was a few years past my frantic, boy-band-loving stage ( oh don’t worry, that’s later on the list), but I DID go through this stage where I secretly enjoyed the Jonas Brothers, bought their new album as soon as it was released on itunes, and tried desperately to keep anyone from finding out about it.

It was weird. I would only listen to their album alone in my car, or when no one else was in the house. I tried to pretend that I liked them in a snarky ironic way, but I liked them for real. I was right to be ashamed though. For one thing, Nick Jonas sings like he has a perpetual sinus infection. I don’t even know how he manages it, he must be doing it on purpose, there’s no way you could sing that nasally without purposely trying. For a second thing, some of their lyrics leave a lot to be desired.

“He took me to the future in the flux thing, and I saw everything. Boy bands, and another one, and another one, and another one.”

Really? You didn’t take time to note any technological advances to transportation, communication, or medicine? Just a boy band…and another one…and another one.

Terrible. Did it make an appearance on my ipod? Yes.

3. Unbeatiful- Lesley Roy

The actual song is coming, but first, let me explain: As I told you earlier, I am a song person. Thus, I am very susceptible to one hit wonders. Often I will buy a song that’s playing on the radio, listen to it obsessively, and then never want to hear it again. This is why songs like, “Super Bass” by Nicki Minaj, and “One Thing” by One Direction are in my “Top 25 Most played” list. That is what happened with the song “Unbeautiful”, a one hit wonder if ever there was one. I know nothing about this woman, I don’t think anyone ever did. Her song was on the radio for 5 minutes, and then she disappeared forever, and rightly so.  You see, the song itself isn’t really terrible, but her voice, oh God her voice.

I feel like somewhere along the line this woman had a discussion with a vocal coach that went horribly awry.

Vocal Coach: Ok Leslie, there are a lot of young, blond, attractive female singers out there, you have to find a way to set yourself apart.

Leslie: Well how about I go for a Billie Holiday sound? Or maybe I could be known for my belting skills, like Mariah Carey or Whitney Houston?

Vocal Coach: Solid ideas, but I was thinking you could go for a sound somewhere in between the growling from Nickelback and an 80 year old chain smoker.

Leslie Roy:

Vocal coach: I smell a grammy nomination.

2. Tell me Tell me…baby-NSYNC

Most girls go through a boy band phase, and at the age of 11 I dove into mine with frenzy and abandon. NSYNC was my crack and I didn’t kick that stuff for years. I had all of the albums including the Christmas album, posters all over my room, fan magazines exhaustively detailing all of the band members favorite colors, an Nysnc backpack, concert tickets, and I had a pinky ring with Justin Timberlake’s face on it.

All of that is not really embarrassing within itself(Ok, yes the pinky ring is a little bad). Most girls go through that phase, and a lot of the songs are very catchy. I still maintain that “This I Promise You” is a very sweet, romantic, and GOOD song. I can’t really say that about this one though.

Tell me Tell me…baby. Just the title is ridiculous. And it is one of my favorite songs. Like right now there is a “favorite songs” playlist on my ipod and this song is on it. Right alongside “Blackbird” by the Beatles and “Your Song” by Elton John. It’s not even good, the lyrics are ridiculous! I have no excuse, I just irrationally love the hell out of it.

1. Think Pink! -Barbie, Teresa, and Christie

Oh goodness, I’m so embarrassed. How do I even begin to explain this song? Even people who listen to and love the previous songs on this list have made fun of me for “Think Pink”. Let’s take a journey, shall we? All the way back to 1998.

 taras blog18

Oh God I take it back! Go back to the future where I know about hair conditioner!

Back in 1998 when I was ten years old, and still very much interested in Barbies, and all things associated with that brand, I found an album called “Beyond Pink!” at walmart. It wasn’t even heavily advertised by the company, I just sort of found it, sitting all by its lonesome. I listened to the samples of songs like, “Boys will be Boys“, “From the Jump”, and “Rainbow”, and was instantly charmed.

The great thing about the album “Beyond Pink” is that it isn’t like, “Songs inspired by Barbie”, or “Songs to listen to when you are playing with Barbie” No, it is songs BY Barbie. On itunes the actual artists listed on this album are Barbie, Teresa, and Christie…as in the dolls.

Barbie-Beyond-Pink

Yes. You can purchase this on itunes. $9.90. This is the miracle of modern technology and the internet at its finest.

I wore this CD out y’all. I was all about girl power, and pink, and rainbows for at least a year. Then as soon as I became a teenager I became intensely embarrassed at ever having owned such a dorky, childish thing.

But I kept it.

And then when I was an adult who had an ipod for the first time, guess what CD got uploaded just like all the rest?

Think Pink! Is definitely the stand out from this album. To this day, if I’m feeling low, and I need a little “You go girl!” style encouragement, this is what I listen to. I remember to Think Pink! Don’t judge me.

That’s all the embarrassment for today readers. I hope you have a wonderful day, and if you are feeling low, just let me offer these words of encouragement,

“Seek every possibility, take every opportunity, you know you got it goin’ on, THINK PINK!”

It’s the color of the world.

-Tara

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