Where I try to look like the girls on pinterest

It’s almost summer! In preparation I’ve decided that it’s time to get cute summer outfits. I have two main obstacles in the path of me becoming a summer fashionista however, and they are as follows,

1.      1.I’m uhhhhhh….cheap.

pink dress

This dress costs over 500 dollars on pinterest! Is it made of gold?! via

The acceptable cost of a purse to me is $18. The acceptable cost of a dress is $25. I bought a dress for $40 the other day and it kind of freaked me out a little bit. Spending hundreds of dollars on one article of clothing just boggles my mind. I know that there are people who buy purses that cost $100 dollars. That cost $900 dollars. Why!? All you do is put your stuff in it! Unless my “stuff” is diamonds and caviar there is nothing I could be carrying around that could equal the cost of the purse.

chanel wallet

I was going to make a “except for my $___ chanel wallet!” joke here, but chanel is literally so fancy and expensive that they don’t have prices on their website. I can’t even… via

So yes, I want to be cute, and have accessories, and look like one of those girls frolicking on pinterest, but there’s a limit to the amount of money I want to spend. 

2.      2. I’m ridiculous. I love my tacky wonder woman Chuck Taylors. I love my earrings that have a woven image of Frida Kahlo. I found these earrings the other day and I FREAKED OUT:

mario earrings

Earrings themed after the Mario 64 video game. Amazing. But they cost $40 dollars, and I’m willing to spend about $8 on a pair of earrings so… via

Loving eclectic things means that sometimes putting together a whole outfit comes out crazy. On our trip to SXSW I wore the Frida earrings and the Wonder Woman shoes at the same time. Ridiculous.

 Despite  these difficulties, I do look cute sometimes. Recently I’ve become very fond of a-line dresses and pencil skirts. Anything that gets me closer to looking like Joan from Mad Men.

me in skirt

Look at that! I am ready to be saucy and scandalous at my 1960’s advertisement agency.

This week I decided to go shopping for cute lace, or lace inspired dresses.

pink dress2

via

I love this look. It puts me in a mood to frolic through forests, and drink pink lemonade out of mason jars or something.  

Old Navy was first. I have a love hate relationship with old navy. I like their jeans, but all of their other clothing has a tendency to be made of paper thin material, in baggy styles, and everything comes in horizontal stripes.

horizontal stripes

First rule of plus sized women: NO horizontal stripes. Let’s just agree to burn all of the horizontal stripes never speak of them again.

 me in orange

I liked this dress, but they had it in bright yellow or bright orange. Ugh. You’ll also notice that I block my face in all these shots. I wasn’t wearing a lot of make up and my hair was gross. As a consequence all you get to see is my creepy eyes staring at you over my cellphone.

maniquins

Also, their mannequins are so creepy that I feel uncomfortable spending more than 15 minutes in that store.

 So I had little success at Old Navy. After that I went to JC Penny and I freaked out. There were cute lace dresses everywhere.  I rushed off to the dressing room. I found one awesome blue lace dress that looked great once I got it on. Even though it cost more than $25 dollars I was totally ready to buy it. But then I couldn’t get it off.

It was a zip dress, so knowing that I wouldn’t be able to zip it up once I had it on, I squeezed it over my head. But then I couldn’t UNZIP it.  It was suddenly too small to go back over my boobs, too small to go down over my hips. This is why you should always try on cloths with a friend. The zipper got stuck. I turned red, I started sweating. It was probably the most traumatic changing room experience of my entire life.  I started envisioning a scene where the girls who work at JC penny would have to come into the dressing room and cut this dress off of me. It would be like the scene in the Nutty Professor where the firemen shake their heads in disgust as they have to cut Sherman Clump out of a too small sports car with the jaws of life, after he transforms back into his fat self.

nutty professor

There would be a lot of, “How did you get this dress on in the first place???” questions

Eventually I somehow got it off without busting any seams and got a larger size. It’s a pretty awesome dress, my boyfriend liked it especially. I don’t have any photos yet because I’m waiting to find a sunset lit meadow where I can pose in it.

girl in meadow

I’ve got to remember to be holding flowers, or spreading my arms wide, that’s important. via

That’s all for today readers, what are you doing right now in preparation for summer?

-Tara

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s