Where I shop for bathing suits and find zebras

If you live in Texas you know that for all practical purposes, we really only have two seasons: Hot, and less hot.

texas weather

Texas, where it will be 75 degrees the entire month of February, only so that we can have two cold fronts in April.

But OFFICIALLY, as far as the calendar is concerned, we have 4 seasons.

I am ready for spring to be over. I’ve never really considered myself has having a favorite season, because there are things that I love about each one. I am always excited at the start of a new season. I love summer because it’s a time for traveling, a time for day trips to the beach and the water park. I love Autumn because it’s where Texas decides to be 85 degrees instead of 105. Halloween is in the Autumn, and Starbucks is selling pumpkin spice lattes. Then winter has Christmas, there are all sorts of parties and family get-togethers, and Starbucks is selling peppermint lattes. And then comes spring. Spring has…allergies.

Once Easter is over and all the bluebonnets have all gone away, I am pretty much ready to be done with spring. Because summer…oh summer. Summer has all of this:

summer drink

lounging

rafting2

flag cake

17 and baking blog

I love summer. I love all of the things that you get to do in the summer. And much more so than when I was younger, I also love the heat of the summer. Since I’ve lost a lot of weight, my tolerance for even mildly cold weather has gone way down.

fat cat

You’ll probably see many posts from me about summer activities, and old stories. But right now, in this lull between April and June, it is time to prepare for summer. Last time we talked about how I was trying to find adorable summer dresses to wear. I told you I would take a photo of that blue dress that I purchased.

me in blue

 Here I am wearing it at a Fiesta event, looking deathly pale. It’s not because we just left winter, I’ll be maintaining that shade the whole summer.

Having gotten that out of the way, it is time to go Swim Suit Shopping. I used to dread shopping for swimsuits A LOT, and it’s still not one of my favorite things to do. The reason I don’t dread it quite so much is because of this:

before and after

And then the girl on the left ate the one on the right.

 Since 2008 I’ve lost approximately 120 pounds due to weight loss surgery. So understandably, swimsuit shopping has gotten a lot less depressing, but you would be surprised at how narrow the choices still are.  I’m still a large woman, and not really comfortable with wearing bikinis. I envy girls who can wear bikinis, not even so much because they have great bodies, but because there are THOUSANDS of cute choices. You can get a Wonder Woman themed bathing suit! You can get any color, any pattern, I’m just jealous of how cute everything is!

victoria secret

victoria secret2

I really like the bikini’s of Victoria Secret, but I feel like these photos are not shot with a female audience in mind. Like, I appreciate what you’re going for ladies, but I really just want to look at the swimsuit. You don’t need to jut your hips out quite so aggressively. via

Meanwhile in the plus size departments for the last ten years that I have been shopping there, it has been nothing but a parade of black animal prints, and dark colored floral. Occasionally they will compensate for all the blackness by offering one brightly colored horizontal striped bathing suit. Horizontal stripes are not flattering on large women, but for some reason they are ALWAYS everywhere in plus sized sections. It’s like they WANT us to look fatter.

avenue

Plus size women have two choices for swim suits. African safari,via

 lane bryant

or 1970’s upholstery via

And thus my search begins. I’ll let you know how fruitful it is. I’m always on the look out for flattering plus sized clothing, and if you know of any good options, please let me know. If I don’t get back to you, just be on the look out for dark zebras or your grandmothers couch on the beach. It will probably be me. 

-Tara

Advertisements

Where I try to look like the girls on pinterest

It’s almost summer! In preparation I’ve decided that it’s time to get cute summer outfits. I have two main obstacles in the path of me becoming a summer fashionista however, and they are as follows,

1.      1.I’m uhhhhhh….cheap.

pink dress

This dress costs over 500 dollars on pinterest! Is it made of gold?! via

The acceptable cost of a purse to me is $18. The acceptable cost of a dress is $25. I bought a dress for $40 the other day and it kind of freaked me out a little bit. Spending hundreds of dollars on one article of clothing just boggles my mind. I know that there are people who buy purses that cost $100 dollars. That cost $900 dollars. Why!? All you do is put your stuff in it! Unless my “stuff” is diamonds and caviar there is nothing I could be carrying around that could equal the cost of the purse.

chanel wallet

I was going to make a “except for my $___ chanel wallet!” joke here, but chanel is literally so fancy and expensive that they don’t have prices on their website. I can’t even… via

So yes, I want to be cute, and have accessories, and look like one of those girls frolicking on pinterest, but there’s a limit to the amount of money I want to spend. 

2.      2. I’m ridiculous. I love my tacky wonder woman Chuck Taylors. I love my earrings that have a woven image of Frida Kahlo. I found these earrings the other day and I FREAKED OUT:

mario earrings

Earrings themed after the Mario 64 video game. Amazing. But they cost $40 dollars, and I’m willing to spend about $8 on a pair of earrings so… via

Loving eclectic things means that sometimes putting together a whole outfit comes out crazy. On our trip to SXSW I wore the Frida earrings and the Wonder Woman shoes at the same time. Ridiculous.

 Despite  these difficulties, I do look cute sometimes. Recently I’ve become very fond of a-line dresses and pencil skirts. Anything that gets me closer to looking like Joan from Mad Men.

me in skirt

Look at that! I am ready to be saucy and scandalous at my 1960’s advertisement agency.

This week I decided to go shopping for cute lace, or lace inspired dresses.

pink dress2

via

I love this look. It puts me in a mood to frolic through forests, and drink pink lemonade out of mason jars or something.  

Old Navy was first. I have a love hate relationship with old navy. I like their jeans, but all of their other clothing has a tendency to be made of paper thin material, in baggy styles, and everything comes in horizontal stripes.

horizontal stripes

First rule of plus sized women: NO horizontal stripes. Let’s just agree to burn all of the horizontal stripes never speak of them again.

 me in orange

I liked this dress, but they had it in bright yellow or bright orange. Ugh. You’ll also notice that I block my face in all these shots. I wasn’t wearing a lot of make up and my hair was gross. As a consequence all you get to see is my creepy eyes staring at you over my cellphone.

maniquins

Also, their mannequins are so creepy that I feel uncomfortable spending more than 15 minutes in that store.

 So I had little success at Old Navy. After that I went to JC Penny and I freaked out. There were cute lace dresses everywhere.  I rushed off to the dressing room. I found one awesome blue lace dress that looked great once I got it on. Even though it cost more than $25 dollars I was totally ready to buy it. But then I couldn’t get it off.

It was a zip dress, so knowing that I wouldn’t be able to zip it up once I had it on, I squeezed it over my head. But then I couldn’t UNZIP it.  It was suddenly too small to go back over my boobs, too small to go down over my hips. This is why you should always try on cloths with a friend. The zipper got stuck. I turned red, I started sweating. It was probably the most traumatic changing room experience of my entire life.  I started envisioning a scene where the girls who work at JC penny would have to come into the dressing room and cut this dress off of me. It would be like the scene in the Nutty Professor where the firemen shake their heads in disgust as they have to cut Sherman Clump out of a too small sports car with the jaws of life, after he transforms back into his fat self.

nutty professor

There would be a lot of, “How did you get this dress on in the first place???” questions

Eventually I somehow got it off without busting any seams and got a larger size. It’s a pretty awesome dress, my boyfriend liked it especially. I don’t have any photos yet because I’m waiting to find a sunset lit meadow where I can pose in it.

girl in meadow

I’ve got to remember to be holding flowers, or spreading my arms wide, that’s important. via

That’s all for today readers, what are you doing right now in preparation for summer?

-Tara