Tara Tuesday! Where I fast forward to happier times

So I’ve been dating this guy…

Yeah, you’ve heard about it. People keep asking me things like, “Is it official?” and I’m like, “Is it official? Um, I dunno, we haven’t gotten matching engraved ‘his and her’ bath towels yet, but as soon as we do I’ll let you know.” I’m not good at dating. Maybe there are women out there who know how to have these conversations about whether or not you’re officially a couple yet, and if you’re exclusive to one another, etc, but I don’t know how to have them. So in the meantime, I make this man I’m dating take me to go get giant cinnamon rolls.

giant cinnamon roll

My text was literally, “Let’s go to this restaurant because we can get a giant cinnamon roll.”

There is this restaurant called “Lulu’s café in downtown San Antonio. It is famous, and was featured on “Man vs. Food” because it has giant cinnamon rolls. Not amazing, out of this world, expertly crafted cinnamon rolls, just big ones. We got one for the two of us, and we were only able to eat a third of it. I’m not going to say it was a bad cinnamon roll, it just wasn’t amazing.  I would rather have a regular sized cinnamon roll that tasted amazing than a giant one that tasted like the cinnamon roll that you can get in a cafeteria line.

After we had most of our enormous cinnamon roll wrapped up, my man took it home with him. We came in separate cars, and at a stoplight he pulled up next to me and started brandishing the cinnamon roll at me with gusto. I don’t know what that meant, and he has yet to explain it to me.

Last week I came over to his house to play a gambling game with him, his uncle, and his grandma. This sounds like a weird grouping but it wasn’t, I work with his grandma, she’s the one who introduced us. The game involved spinning a Mexican dreidel, and then either giving or receiving the number of quarters that the dreidel landed on. So sometimes you would have to put quarters in, sometimes you would take some from the pile, sometimes you would win the whole pile, etc, etc. That’s all well and good, except that I couldn’t spin the dreidel!


No seriously, it’s a good thing I’m not Jewish, life would have been much harder.

Instead of spinning quietly and gracefully like the spinning top in the movie Inception, every time I tried to spin the dreidel it would like, go crashing along the table, knocking into other people’s quarters. And it KEPT happening to me, I couldn’t ever get it right. I cannot spin a top. My man’s grandma found it so funny that she got out her phone and recorded it to show our coworkers the next day.

This is what happens when I go on dates. Family members get out recording devices to document my hilarious ineptitude.

Another thing that I’m finding out from dating this guy is that apparently I am a weird person.

Ana and I

7th grade makeup

me in snuggie

Nothing amiss here.

 He says I’m weird because I don’t just watch the show “The Walking Dead”, I wait until the episode airs, go read spoilers on the internet, and THEN I watch the show. He was very confused by this, even after I explained to him that it is because I want to know who dies in advance. Not because I want it to be ruined for me, I just want to be emotionally prepared for when characters I love die. If the character I love dies then it’s awful, but if I already know it’s coming, it softens the blow. Like, “Oh man, I think we’re getting to the part where Timothy gets shot in the chest and falls off a cliff-ohp, yeah, there it is.” If I don’t spoil it for myself it plays out like, “WHAT!!!! TIMOTHY JUST GOT SHOT IN THE CHEST!!!! HOW COULD THEY DO THIS!!!!!!! MAKE IT STOP!”

I do this with new movies that I have heard are really sad too.  And during my favorite movies, I have to fast forward through scenes that are embarrassing, humiliating, or emotionally wrenching for my favorite characters. Like somehow I can spare them from the awfulness that’s about to happen.


It’s ok Simba, I’m fastforwarding, you’ll be meeting two new best friends in no time!

Apparently this makes me weird. Psh. If fast forwarding through the lion king so that I can watch “Hakuna Matata” sooner makes me wrong, then I don’t want to be right.



Tara Tuesdays! Where Christmas parties are just an excuse to gorge myself

Why does this happen every year now? Every year I get older, Christmas season goes by faster and faster. As of this Tara Tuesday, it is now only one week before Christmas! Remember when you were a kid, and it took FOREVER for Christmas to get here, and you would stare longingly at the presents under the tree? You would count them, and pick them up and shake them, to try and guess what they were? These days, I don’t even know if there are presents for me under the tree at all! I mean I assume there are, only my mom and I wrap presents around this house, and some of the presents under the tree are unfamiliar. So I gotta assume some of them are mine and not my brother’s.

taras blog6

Although it’s possible that they’re all for him. As I’ve told you in the past, he is the perfect one.


I’ve gotten all of the presents for my immediate family, but haven’t progressed any farther than that. That fact is in itself pretty impressive since my family is hard to shop for. My brother only wants video games, my dad doesn’t tell anybody what he wants until like a week before Christmas, and my mom only wants boring, practical, mom-presents.

me and mom

Mom, I want to give you a gift. You have nurtured me, physically and emotionally my whole life. It is because of your guidance that I am the woman I am today.  Here’s that toaster you wanted.

There have also been like a thousand Christmas parties. It’s not a big deal or anything, but I’m pretty amazingly popular.The first one I went to was the Christmas party for my church group.

gingerbread house

There was a gingerbread house making contest. We wore ugly Christmas Sweaters, there was hot chocolate. Basically it was like we were shooting a perfect TV Christmas Special.

The main highlight of that party was the gingerbread house making contest. I was partnered up with my Bible study group leader, David. We learned quickly that he was there win no matter what it took. Our  brilliant teamwork was astonishing:  David:”Alright Tara, we’re going for the “tallest” prize here, and I think we can get it really tall if we make a series of ascending triangles.”  Me: “Oh my gosh, this is icing is “Peppermint” flavored! I didn’t know they sold that!!!”

working diligently

David spent the competition pondering what graham cracker formation would provide the most structural integrity. I spent the completion eating the peppermint frosting.

We won the competition because David was dedicated, and because we went for the award of “tallest gingerbread house”

tallest gingerbread

I’m good at things that involve “tallest”.

Then last week I went to the Christmas get together of one of my old college buddies. We mostly just drank alcoholic eggnog and watched Christmas movies at this one, but that was entertaining enough in itself for reasons that I will now explain:

I have a good friend from college named Merced, who I suspect did not have a traditional childhood. Merced was born in the United States, but he spent most of his childhood living in Mexico on a ranch with his grandfather. I don’t know exactly what he did on that ranch, but it didn’t include watching American children’s programming, because he has almost no knowledge of that segment of pop culture. I can’t ever have a nostalgic, “Oh man, remember that awesome cartoon from when we were kids?” conversation with him because he will say, “No, I was on a ranch in Mexico.”

Which is why I ended up having to explain the classic Christmas movie, “Home Alone” to him when we started watching it at the party.

Merced: “What is'”Home Alone”?

Me: “It’s a movie where this little boy gets left home alone on Christmas, and two robbers try to break into the kid’s house, and he tries to stop them.”

Merced:”So wait, are they pedophiles?”

Me:”No no! They’re just trying to rob him.”

Merced:”Why is that a Christmas movie!?”

Home alone

Much more Sinister when taken out of context.

Now for those of you who don’t remember, later in the film there is a scene where Harry and Marv almost hit Kevin with their van, and then they follow him down the street.

home alone van

Because of course a kid won’t notice a big creepy van inching behind him.

This prompted Merced to ask,

“Wait, two men are now following a small boy in a big gray van, I though you said they aren’t pedophiles.”


Other person at the party: “You should see how bad they are in the sequel.”

Merced:”Wait, this happens AGAIN!? Why hasn’t this kid been taken away from his parents?!”

So that was fun. I’ll never look at Home Alone with the same innocence again. Or be able to tolerate Home Alone 2 ever again.

home alone 2

Literally EXACTLY the same story, but now with Tim Curry.

The next party I went to was last weekend when my family and I had to drive to Austin for my Uncle’s big, combo Christmas/50th birthday Party. The festivities started with my mom telling my dad as we climbed into the car, “Now Paul, I absolutely FORBID you from killing us all in a horrible car wreck on the way to Austin, because I’ll be extremely embarrassed if our family has to come into our house after we die and see how dirty it is right now.” And then I said,“And I FORBID you because I just finished paying off this car last week!”


That’s the holiday spirit!  

Austin is such a hip city. I knew we were in Austin when we drove past a car on the interstate that said, “Ve gan Do it!” Then later during our visit we walked past an outdoor restaurant where everyone was drinking orange juice out of mason jars.


Every moment in Austin is like a perpetual pinterest photo.

 I used this particular Christmas party as an excuse to dress nice. I wore a skirt and nice jewelry, and when I emerged from the bathroom my dad told me, “Oohhh, you look like a hostess at a fancy Stake House.”

fancy hostess

Ummmm thank you?

dan's christmas party

This is what I actually looked like. You might notice the two drinks I’m holding. Don’t get excited, only one is mine, and it’s milk. I am the most boring 24 year old ever.

The thing about Christmas Parties is that usually there is lots of drinking (again, in Austin I missed out on this) and lots of food. Oh there was so much food.


I spent a lot of time in this room.

And more food.


And MORE food.


I decided that it would be against party etiquette to take the whole pot of tamales into a closet somewhere and eat them all myself.

So I’ve spent a lot of December so far getting fatter. I think maybe one of my blog projects in the New Year will be trying out all the different classes at the gym. I’ve slacked off when it comes to going to the gym, and I do believe in staying fit, active, and healthy. Not now though…now is the time for more consumption.

christmas goodies

Mmmm this is worth the diabetes I’ll have in 30 years.

Merry Christmas!