Where I am still recovering from the Costco employee party

Hello everyone!

As we’ve discussed, it is now a new year, and the first major thing I did this year was attend the Costco Holiday Party. We have to have it in January because we’re too busy at work to do it in December. The party is pretty fancy. Almost everybody dresses up, there’s a dinner, and then they give out prizes. Good prizes, like a Kitchen-aid mixer, stereos, Keurig coffee machines, and flat screen TV’s.

me in red

There’s no joke here, working for Costco truly has its perks…one of which is gettin’ to see me looking FOXY.

I’m always a little apprehensive about workplace parties.  I don’t want to get too out of control at these parties, but I still want to have a good time. You have to be careful, how you behave at these parties can affect how your coworkers treat you at work.

round-table-business-meeting

None of us can pay attention to him now that we know he has nipple rings under his shirt.

The party was at the Hyatt Hill Country Resort and spa this year, which is just as fancy as it sounds. The drive there was scary though. The Resort is off the highway, down a long dark road. I guess this is supposed to give the resort a luxurious, “secluded” feel, so that you forget that it’s actually just two miles away from a Whataburger and a Valero gas station.

whataburger

Elegance.

And now I have a confession to make. I forgot about the “not getting too out of control at the workplace party” rule that I mentioned earlier…

drunk woman

No no no! It wasn’t that bad…but almost.

I’m embarrassed.  And the thing is, I don’t even drink very often! For two reasons, One: I have to drive myself home in almost every situation. I do not drink and drive, and I’m single, so there’s no boyfriend that I can shove the DD job onto. Two: I hang out with my Church buddies a lot, and I’m pretty sure that almost all of them have made the decision to abstain from alcohol entirely.  And since I’m a good friend, and I would never ever pressure them into drinking with me, I end up abstaining too.

bible study

 Bible drinking games! One shot for every time someone talks about Jesus!

Last week I got my dad to drive me to the Costco party, where there was an abundance of alcohol (very EXPENSIVE alcohol. Seriously, I’ll be sorry when I’m paying the credit card bill), and an abundance of people willing to drink it with me. So I probably over did it a little bit. By the end of the evening I was high fiving everyone and telling my supervisor Nuffie how much I liked him…as a supervisor. That’s the only positive thing about all this. When I get drunk, I just get nicer and more complimentary, but not in a “come on to you” way.

costco drinking

WHOOOOOOOOOO COSTCO!!!!! By the way, I just want you to know that the example you set as a superior executive is exemplary.

Then in the middle of the evening Nuffie told me that our coworker Martee’s grandson was “digging me”. He got this information from Martee herself, and everyone from deli immediately started encouraging me to approach him. Since I had already had four cocktails by the time I received this information, I was up for anything. Once Jason (another deli coworker) found out that there was a guy at the party who was interested in me, he made it his personal prerogative to set me up. Normally I’m pretty shy, but by the time Jason was steering me over to this guy I was on Cocktail number 5, and I was feeling much friendlier. I kid you not; Jason introduced me to Martee’s grandson with these words:

“Hey you’re Martee’s grandson? Nice to meet you. I’m Jason, and this is TARASAURUS-REX!!! RAWWWWWWR!!!”

new years

Since I was drunk at the time, I was probably making an expression just like this. So we know already I was making killer first impressions.

It’s worth pointing out that Jason had enjoyed his fair share of alcohol by this point too. This is why you should never drink too much alcohol, because I’m embarrassed to say that I do not remember the guy’s name, exactly what we talked about, or entirely what he looked like. I mean…I know he was tall… and he was wearing a hat.

ryan gosling

Yes. It was probably definitely this guy.

We talked about football, I remember that much. I remember that I adamantly defended the Cowboys, because even drunk there are some lines I never cross and values that I never forsake.

redskins

Never, not even if someone points a gun to my head.  It felt wrong just saving this to my computer.

After a brief, and hazily remembered conversation with that guy, I had a few more cocktails.  Then I danced an embarrassing jig on the dance floor, and finally I took photos with Martee and her grandson. This is probably the weirdest thing I remember happening. I mean, what are they going to do with those photos if I never see him again? I can picture the two of them in the future, reminiscing over those pictures, “Oh and here we are at that one Costco party…with this random intoxicated girl”. After taking random pictures with strangers, my dad finally picked me up exactly at midnight. It was like Cinderella, but less classy.

me drunk

True confessions time, there have been other parties that I left  missing one shoe, but for more embarrassing reasons than those of a fairy tale princess.

The next time I went to work my coworker Josh greeted me thusly: “Heeeeeyyyyyy. I heard you got pretty drunk at the holiday party! I heard you met the love of your life too!”

Well if he’s the love of my life that’s going to be an embarrassing story to tell my grandchildren. “The first time I met your grandfather, oh I’ll never forget it. Well, actually I kind of forgot it. Immediately after it happened.”

Have a good day readers! I promise to behave myself better in the future.

-Tara

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Tara Tuesdays! Where Christmas parties are just an excuse to gorge myself

Why does this happen every year now? Every year I get older, Christmas season goes by faster and faster. As of this Tara Tuesday, it is now only one week before Christmas! Remember when you were a kid, and it took FOREVER for Christmas to get here, and you would stare longingly at the presents under the tree? You would count them, and pick them up and shake them, to try and guess what they were? These days, I don’t even know if there are presents for me under the tree at all! I mean I assume there are, only my mom and I wrap presents around this house, and some of the presents under the tree are unfamiliar. So I gotta assume some of them are mine and not my brother’s.

taras blog6

Although it’s possible that they’re all for him. As I’ve told you in the past, he is the perfect one.

 

I’ve gotten all of the presents for my immediate family, but haven’t progressed any farther than that. That fact is in itself pretty impressive since my family is hard to shop for. My brother only wants video games, my dad doesn’t tell anybody what he wants until like a week before Christmas, and my mom only wants boring, practical, mom-presents.

me and mom

Mom, I want to give you a gift. You have nurtured me, physically and emotionally my whole life. It is because of your guidance that I am the woman I am today.  Here’s that toaster you wanted.

There have also been like a thousand Christmas parties. It’s not a big deal or anything, but I’m pretty amazingly popular.The first one I went to was the Christmas party for my church group.

gingerbread house

There was a gingerbread house making contest. We wore ugly Christmas Sweaters, there was hot chocolate. Basically it was like we were shooting a perfect TV Christmas Special.

The main highlight of that party was the gingerbread house making contest. I was partnered up with my Bible study group leader, David. We learned quickly that he was there win no matter what it took. Our  brilliant teamwork was astonishing:  David:”Alright Tara, we’re going for the “tallest” prize here, and I think we can get it really tall if we make a series of ascending triangles.”  Me: “Oh my gosh, this is icing is “Peppermint” flavored! I didn’t know they sold that!!!”

working diligently

David spent the competition pondering what graham cracker formation would provide the most structural integrity. I spent the completion eating the peppermint frosting.

We won the competition because David was dedicated, and because we went for the award of “tallest gingerbread house”

tallest gingerbread

I’m good at things that involve “tallest”.

Then last week I went to the Christmas get together of one of my old college buddies. We mostly just drank alcoholic eggnog and watched Christmas movies at this one, but that was entertaining enough in itself for reasons that I will now explain:

I have a good friend from college named Merced, who I suspect did not have a traditional childhood. Merced was born in the United States, but he spent most of his childhood living in Mexico on a ranch with his grandfather. I don’t know exactly what he did on that ranch, but it didn’t include watching American children’s programming, because he has almost no knowledge of that segment of pop culture. I can’t ever have a nostalgic, “Oh man, remember that awesome cartoon from when we were kids?” conversation with him because he will say, “No, I was on a ranch in Mexico.”

Which is why I ended up having to explain the classic Christmas movie, “Home Alone” to him when we started watching it at the party.

Merced: “What is'”Home Alone”?

Me: “It’s a movie where this little boy gets left home alone on Christmas, and two robbers try to break into the kid’s house, and he tries to stop them.”

Merced:”So wait, are they pedophiles?”

Me:”No no! They’re just trying to rob him.”

Merced:”Why is that a Christmas movie!?”

Home alone

Much more Sinister when taken out of context.

Now for those of you who don’t remember, later in the film there is a scene where Harry and Marv almost hit Kevin with their van, and then they follow him down the street.

home alone van

Because of course a kid won’t notice a big creepy van inching behind him.

This prompted Merced to ask,

“Wait, two men are now following a small boy in a big gray van, I though you said they aren’t pedophiles.”

Me: “THIS ISN’T GOING WHERE YOU THINK IT’S GOING!”

Other person at the party: “You should see how bad they are in the sequel.”

Merced:”Wait, this happens AGAIN!? Why hasn’t this kid been taken away from his parents?!”

So that was fun. I’ll never look at Home Alone with the same innocence again. Or be able to tolerate Home Alone 2 ever again.

home alone 2

Literally EXACTLY the same story, but now with Tim Curry.

The next party I went to was last weekend when my family and I had to drive to Austin for my Uncle’s big, combo Christmas/50th birthday Party. The festivities started with my mom telling my dad as we climbed into the car, “Now Paul, I absolutely FORBID you from killing us all in a horrible car wreck on the way to Austin, because I’ll be extremely embarrassed if our family has to come into our house after we die and see how dirty it is right now.” And then I said,“And I FORBID you because I just finished paying off this car last week!”

car_accident

That’s the holiday spirit!  

Austin is such a hip city. I knew we were in Austin when we drove past a car on the interstate that said, “Ve gan Do it!” Then later during our visit we walked past an outdoor restaurant where everyone was drinking orange juice out of mason jars.

orange-juice-mason-jars-paper-straws

Every moment in Austin is like a perpetual pinterest photo.

 I used this particular Christmas party as an excuse to dress nice. I wore a skirt and nice jewelry, and when I emerged from the bathroom my dad told me, “Oohhh, you look like a hostess at a fancy Stake House.”

fancy hostess

Ummmm thank you?

dan's christmas party

This is what I actually looked like. You might notice the two drinks I’m holding. Don’t get excited, only one is mine, and it’s milk. I am the most boring 24 year old ever.

The thing about Christmas Parties is that usually there is lots of drinking (again, in Austin I missed out on this) and lots of food. Oh there was so much food.

food

I spent a lot of time in this room.

And more food.

food2

And MORE food.

tamales

I decided that it would be against party etiquette to take the whole pot of tamales into a closet somewhere and eat them all myself.

So I’ve spent a lot of December so far getting fatter. I think maybe one of my blog projects in the New Year will be trying out all the different classes at the gym. I’ve slacked off when it comes to going to the gym, and I do believe in staying fit, active, and healthy. Not now though…now is the time for more consumption.

christmas goodies

Mmmm this is worth the diabetes I’ll have in 30 years.

Merry Christmas!

-Tara