Happy Valentines Day! Where you’ll be mine whether you want to or not.

Happy Valentines Day blog readers! I hope you’re having a fabulous day, I know that I am. I just want to make a quick post today, as I mentioned earlier this week, I have to work tonight. Before I go though, I thought I would share with you some truly touching, loving sentiments on this Valentine’s Day.

are you game

You should give this card along with a wrapped DVD of the movie ” The Predator”.

bound

I’m assuming that this is the card that Ana gave Christian in “Fifty Shades of Grey”.

creepy winking

Change the words in that heart and you’ve got a horror movie poster. Seriously, that dog looks like he just crawled out of “Pet Cemetery”

gun lover

For the gun lovers

nick cage

As in, i’m going to steal you, damage you, and reveal all of your secrets to the entire country.

press me

goes right along with the oven themed, “I’m hot for you!” Valentine’s Day card.

say yes

Fifty “No’s” and one “Yes” means yes!

And now, here are some baffling gifts that I found:

puns

The Cheaper the Chocolate, the better the puns.

fredricks

Because why by sexy lingerie at Fredericks of Hollywood, when you can buy a thin, white t-shirt? You can’t find that anywhere else!

victoria

That’s the spirit Victoria’s Secret!

hello g

Just in case your special someone cannot make it through breakfast without checking their make up.

Alright, that’s it for now, I’ve got to head off for work, but when I get off from work i’ll be enjoying this:

my valentine

Don’t get excited, I bought this for myself. What? You can’t shame me, I LIKE THE HEART BOX CHOCOLATES, OK!?

Because the most important part of any holiday to me is always one thing…

food love

-Tara

Tara Tuesdays! Where I’m going on a date with pink socks

Alright, don’t everybody get excited, but I might go on a date tonight. I’ve been pondering about whether or not I should write about this date for the blog, and I’ve come to the conclusion that since it is almost Valentine’s Day, this topic is relevant. So I think I’ll tell you about some of my preparation, but possibly not the date itself, since I don’t need to put EVERYTHING about myself on the internet.

sweet baby james

The three people who read this don’t need to know ALL my secrets.

EDIT: My mom says i’m using this picture too much, and that people will think this is MY baby. It is not. That is not one of my secrets.

 I had this plan to go on a speed dating excursion for Valentine’s Day and then write about it for the blog, but this didn’t work out for two reasons. First was that I couldn’t find any events, (which is weird, you would think that SOMEONE in the 8th largest city in the Country would organize a fun, Valentine’s Day Speed dating event), and second I was scheduled to close my department on Valentine’s Day. I’m the only single person in the deli, so I guess my boss thought it was the logical thing to do.

frown

Thanks boss. As I mop the floor I’ll make sure to play “One is the loneliest number” on the stereo on repeat, as I weep softly.

So anyways, I’m going on this date. I don’t even know where yet, by the way. There’s been a lot less “planning”, and a lot more, “random, last minute texts” when it comes to the preparation for this date. This is my life folks, the very shining example of epic romance.

All joking aside, he seems nice enough, and my philosophy about dates has always been: Hey, it’s just a date. If we don’t like each other it’s not the end of the world, worst case scenario is a few uncomfortable hours, and if we DO like each other then that’s awesome! And you shouldn’t be afraid to spend a couple hours at dinner finding out.

I’m nervous about this date for two reasons. Number one: it’s a date, and people get nervous for dates, and number two: It’s happening two days before Valentine’s Day, and I do not typically have good luck when it comes to Valentine’s Day.

Concerning number one, I’ve already gotten lots of advice for how to behave and dress if I go on a date. My coworker Josh told me I should curl my hair. I think I’ll pass, we all remember the last time I tried to fix my hair

blowdry1

Hot

 My coworker Raul told me, “Make sure to dress nice Tara. Have cleavage, but not too much, and show some leg. And DON’T wear your pink shoes.” Psh, obviously Raul, I would never wear my pink converse on a date, except for that one time where I wore my pink converse on a date

Then later I assembled two outfits and sent pictures of both of them to my best friend so that she could tell me which one was the best. Shockingly, she shot down the outfit that involved me wearing yellow turtle-shaped earrings. I’m not saying that I always make bad fashion decisions, I’m just saying that I’ve been known to make F aux-pas on an occasional basis.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

There is an explanation for why this outfit happened, but it’s funnier if you think that I just dress like this.

So yeah, there’s that aspect of the date. Then there’s the awkward Valentine’s Day thing. Valentine’s Day is two days away. I do not have good luck on Valentine’s Day. I already told you about how my first crush dissed me on Valentine’s Day, but there have been other times. Like one time in high school, where I had a big crush on this guy. On Valentine’s day we were talking and he asked me if he could borrow my note pad. He then proceeded to write a Valentine’s Day love confession to someone else while I watched. Probably while I listened to “I’m not that girl” from the musical Wicked on my Ipod dramatically.

glinda fist

Remember, this was the same time that I was playing Glinda from the Wizard Of OZ, so it would have been somewhat appropriate.

Then a couple of years ago in college I ACCIDENTALLY asked out a guy the day before Valentine’s Day. I know, I know, you don’t just accidentally ask someone out. That’s not what I’m saying, I’m saying that I asked him out without realizing what day of the month it was. Sometimes people are inspired by Valentine’s day, and they make declarations of love, or ask someone out because they feel the pressure of the holiday. This is NOT what happened with me, I just wanted to ask him out, and I have terrible timing.

He was a nice guy, he’s still a nice guy. I won’t mention him by name, but some of you who went to college with me will know who I’m talking about. He once told me that someone said to him that he looked like Ryan Gosling, and then that a girl who heard this burst out, “Ummm, I don’t think so, Ryan Gosling is ATTRACTIVE.” Man, what a bitchy thing to say, which is probably why I remember it. Anyways, for the purposes of this story, we will call him “Ryan Gosling Look-alike”.

Ryan Gosling Look-alike said no when I asked him out, which was fine, except that then the next day was VALENTINE’S DAY. The thing is, the worst thing about this wasn’t that the holiday was constantly reminding me of my romantic failings, it was that the whole day I kept thinking, “Oh My God, now he’s gonna think that this was some sort of, Valentine’s Day inspired declaration of love!” Which it was NOT. I would have been brave and asked Ryan Gosling Look-alike out on a date even if it hadn’t been the most romantic time of the year. So all day on the 14th I kept wanting to run up to him and shout, “Wait, me asking you out had nothing to do with Valentine’s Day! Do over, DO OVER!!!” But looking back that might have hurt the situation rather than help.

That’s all for today, I have a date to get ready for. I will NOT be wearing my pink converse, but I just found out that we’re going bowling so I have to bring socks, and these are my only clean pair.

socks

I know what you’re thinking. I’m sealing the deal with these babies.

Tara