It happened again. I promised myself to write more often, and be more consistent, and then I went two weeks without posting. I’ve been busy. There was work as usual, plus church functions as usual, plus social life as usual, but now I also have dates that are taking up part of my time. That’s right, date(s) plural. I’m really popular. As a result i’ve been horribly neglecting the blog, but that is over right now! Let me tell you about a few of the things that have happened since we last talked.
1.A few posts ago I told you about how I had a date planned with a certain gentleman right before Valentine’s day. Well I had a good time. We went bowling, and I wore pink socks with bowling shoes and a black skirt.
Well I wasn’t NOT going to wear my cute black skirt on a first date. Notice also how the socks make my legs look all short and stubby. I know how to attract the fellas.
Like literally every other sport of physical activity, I’m not good at bowling. Lots of people are terrible at bowling, but my technique has less to do with rolling, and more to do hurling the ball as far down the lane as possible. When I throw my bowling ball it goes halfway down the lane before landing with a scary thud. Like a shot put but underhand.
This might work better for me. I swear, I knock down more pins when the ball has less “rolling” time and more “High in the air” time.
I hit more pins this way, but every time I turned around my date was staring at me with open mouthed disbelief. At first I thought he was just being melodramatic, but then we went on a double date with his friends and when I turned around after throwing the ball the first time they were all giving me the same look.
This isn’t the sort of facial expression that you should inspire in others while dating.
2. I went to the Rodeo! A group of girls from my church got together and we went to enjoy the festivities. I ate a corn dog, AND a deep fried snickers bar. Every year I go to the rodeo I tell myself that I am not going to get a deep fried oddity, and every year I am intrigued by some new, terrible food monstrosity. One year it was deep fried oreos, the next year it was deep fried twinkies, and this year it was deep fried candy bar. And I suffered for it. I got heartburn in the middle of the night and I had terrible nightmares. Heart burn is supposed to happen to old fat men, not young, beautiful 20somethings. I should be exempt from negative food consequences.
I also got heartburn after these cream puffs. Life is hard.
I also ran into one of my coworkers at the rodeo. While I was standing in line for corndogs my coworker Arturo came up and started talking to me. My church friends were off to the side waiting for me, and apparently were watching me, having a discussion about whether or not I needed to be rescued from this middle aged guy who was apparently hitting on me. They didn’t rescue me, but the situation made me realize that maybe we should develop signals in case a rescue is ever required.
Ok, I take it back. If this guy is ever talking to me, making this expression then you shouldn’t need a signal.
3. I got lost on the south side at 1am. This one is actually also about dating. As I said, the man I am dating took me on a double date last week, and at the end of the date we ended up splitting up from his friends, so I had to give him a ride home. This caused problems to begin with because we had to argue about my driving skills. I am a GOOD driver, and I DO NOT take turns to fast. Geez, everybody’s always judging me. I’ve never been in a car accident. Which is not a “miracle”, DAD.
Yeah Dad, make jokes about my driving, just remember that I’ll be choosing your nursing home.
Anyways the guy i’m dating lives on the south side, which I am not very familiar with. After I dropped him off I got lost, and I had to call my mom at 1am to help me get home. Which was embarrassing since my date told me when we parted ways, “Text me to let me know you got home safe, which I kind of doubt, now that I’ve seen your driving.” And I was all like, “Haha, very funny, I’ll get home just fine.” the joke was on me.
4. I’ve been looking for advice about writing. Online, and in books. I’ve found a lot of good stuff and insightful information, but I also found this at half-priced books:
This is probably why Fifty Shades of Grey exists. I hope you’re happy America.
I take a lot of weird photo’s on my phone for my blog. I realized this today. A lot of times it’s just stuff that I find ridiculous or silly. But I hope my phone never gets stolen, or gets confiscated by the police for evidence or something, because these strange photos have no context.
This photo comes after another photo of a weird bra that I found at Victoria Secret. Don’t assume things world, I don’t need instructions on “getting wild and kinky”.
That’s it for today readers! I promise to be good, and post more often from now on. Like later this week, where I’ll tell you about the awkward things that happened to me during middle school. Have you ever hit another person in the face by accident with your elbow? Well I have, and you’ll get to hear about it!